


The Mystical and Eternal Christmas of Vicbourne: A Bridge through Times.

by EfrainJorge



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Children, Children of Characters, Christmas, Christmas Eve, F/M, Family, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Marriage, Married Couple, Married Life, Older Man/Younger Woman, Original Character(s), Past Lives, Reincarnation, Soulmates, True Love, Vicbourne Advent Calendar 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-15 09:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EfrainJorge/pseuds/EfrainJorge
Summary: Victoria has a seemingly happy life together with her husband William and her children. But when Christmas approaches an inexplicable feeling of sadness seems to invade her while strange dreams haunt her. But when a friend makes an unusual gift to her, Victoria will discover the mystical origin of her confused feelings and the secret that lives inside her mind. Victoria and Lord Melbourne shared beautiful Christmas together, but life had a stormy destiny for them. Will Victoria one day discover absolute happiness at Christmas?





	1. A Troubled Mother.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is approaching and in the home of Victoria and William, the couple has to deal with their three children. Victoria feels a little overwhelmed, but soon a surprising turn will make Victoria have the most special Christmas of her life.

The snow fell copiously outside, and Victoria watched it through the window, with the emotion of a little girl. She felt deeply happy, feeling the warmth of a true home, the one she had longed for with frustration and sadness in the lonely years in Kensington.  
She saw around her the garlands that decorated the spacious hall, and the ethereal light that projected the candles on the chandeliers. And the huge table on which an appetizing banquet had been served, from which there were no traces left. The guests moved away from the table, preparing to accompany her to the next room, while she was still excited enjoying the views, through the large windows, of the snowy landscape, wishing to be outside playing with the snow, as she had not been allowed to do in her childhood. Someone whose face she could not see well (her face was blurry) said something to get her attention and she followed that person.  
Then suddenly she saw herself walking among those people she did not recognize, searching with her look at the only person whose presence she needed, to feel that this enormous space was really a warm and happy home. And then she saw him walking towards her with his beautiful and charming smile ...  
With his tall stature that made him look like a giant next to her that was so short stature, with his strong and athletic body, his beautiful and manly face with that jaw that she liked so much when he made his expressive and funny faces or when he smiled charmingly, and those wonderful and beautiful green eyes in which she was lost ...  
She saw him approach and felt her heart speed up and almost wanted to get out of her mouth. She was a silly girl, she knew, a silly girl in love ...  
She could only laugh when he started talking to her ... she did not listen to his words, they lost themselves as if someone had lowered the volume of his voice to inaudible levels, but whatever it was was something that amused her as always. And the most important thing is that he was there, illuminating her life, giving her the best Christmas of her life, the one that as a child she thought with sadness that only other people could have but never her ...  
Then a succession of images passed through her head, lovely and beautiful images ... in all of them was him, his beloved William, dressed in that elegant, formal ... and strange way ...  
And they both danced, joined their hands, and he put a hand at the end of her back, and Victoria felt that she was levitating in his big strong arms, and she wanted which time stopped so she would not have to stop spinning around room dancing with him, in the tenuous and romantic light of the candles, while through the windows it could see the snow falling and the beneficial spirit of the celebration spread spreading love and peace ...  
But suddenly the dance stopped and the light went out as if someone would have a blow on each and every candle, and Victoria could no longer see the face of her beloved, and she fumbled him in the darkness, but could not find him. And suddenly she felt a cold wind hug her, and something dragged her away and took her to a place where she did not want to be. And in that place and moment, it could also see the snow falling through the windows, but there was no party and joy. There was only the blurred silhouette of someone who seemed to be a woman in front of her, an image that was almost a shadow, rising dark and almost sinister. And the cold air brought some words from that shadow to her, words that she did not want to hear. Because she knew that when those words entered her ears them would freeze her heart, and life and happiness would escape forever from her soul, and never again would a party illuminate her life. And she wanted to cover her ears, she wanted to throw herself on the floor, to shrink and disappear. But the feeling of anguish and pain pierced her heart, and the cold and darkness absorbed her into an infinite abyss of despair and loneliness ...  
Victoria woke with a start, as always when that dream came to her at night. She sighed and ran a hand over her face, and slowly became aware of the place.  
Of course, it was her bedroom, her spacious and comfortable bedroom. The dim light was already starting to come in through the window and through the curtains, so by dawn, it had been left behind a while ago. But the bedroom still remained largely in shadow, and that semidarkness together with silent peace invited to continue sleeping.  
Victoria turned her head to make sure, as always when she woke up from that nightmare in the middle of the night or in the morning ... although she knew it was nonsense because she did not really need to make sure. Because she knew it ...  
She knew that beside her in the bed was him, her husband ... the man who was in her dream, the tall and imposing man, handsome and charming, with beautiful and hypnotic green eyes. Her beloved William ...  
He was still asleep and Victoria smiled at the relaxed and happy gesture on his face like a child's when he sleeps, although he was much older than she was, so old that he was old enough to be her father. William slept and Victoria watched him her enraptured and enchanted, especially because underneath the sheets he was totally naked ...  
Victoria was also totally naked under the sheets, and she bit her lower lip and her face was covered with a gesture of shameless pleasure when she remembered the night of passion they had both lived, the times their bodies joined with frantic lust, the times he took her to climax, to ecstasy ...  
It was normal for him to be exhausted and she was also a bit tired, and her aching body in different parts was the best evidence of how much they had enjoyed. But she simply could not resist, because she wanted more.  
So Victoria began to caress her husband's naked chest and then his face until he woke up and smiled pleased ...  
"Good morning, my dear ma'am," said William with a charming and mocking smile.  
"Good morning, my dear sir ..." Victoria replied and kissed him on the lips, "did you sleep well last night? " she added mischievously.  
"Sleep? ... No, I did not sleep much last night ... but I did much better things ... Things that would be worthwhile to keep me awake every night ... and all thanks to a beautiful woman, demonically hot," William answered with malice.  
"Really! ... I think the woman responsible for that sleeplessness will love to hear it, my dear Mr William," Victoria said with a naughty smile, "But I think you want to show your happiness in another way," she added raising a little the bed sheet to lean out and direct a significant look at her husband's crotch.  
"Yes, indeed ... so, why to waste time with words if the facts are much more expressive ... and pleasurable? " William replied and rolled himself on the bed to begin to get on top of her body.  
"Blessed be this man, for he dawns horny almost every day! ... So ... you go for the second round! " Victoria replied cheerfully, as she hugged him and began to place her body in readiness to receive him.  
"The second! ... If I remember well this would be the fourth, Victoria," said William with a smile and a lewd gesture on his face, while caressing the naked body of his wife under the sheets.  
They both laughed, gesturing to each other not to make much noise as they looked at a corner of the large bedroom.  
"You're a stud! ... You're going to kill me! " Victoria said laughing, and then her face was covered with a gesture of lasciviousness when William placed himself on top of her.  
"You will kill me! ... But it will be the most beautiful and hot death," William replied and then his face became serious and anxious, as he began to kiss her on the mouth, and both were preparing to make love again.  
But then there were knocks on the bedroom door and voices were heard behind it.  
"Mummy! ... Daddy! ... Mum! " exclaimed a childish voice ... the high voice of a little girl.  
William and Victoria interrupted the act and looked at each other with gestures of disappointment and anger in their faces.  
"Sometimes I could just … argh!" exclaimed Victoria closing her eyes and running her hand over her face.  
"I share your feelings!" William replied as he rolled and turned away from his wife, going back to bed down on his back, at her side.  
"Is it too late to give them up for adoption?" Victoria asked sarcastically, making her husband laugh, while the knocking on the door and the calls of the child's voice continued.  
But then the loud cry of a baby, who seemed to be using all the strength of his little lungs, came out of a crib in the corner of the bedroom where William and Victoria had directed their anxious looks moments before.  
"Magnificent! " Victoria exclaimed in frustration, "For goodness sake, stop rattling the door, it’s already woken up the baby! " she shouted as she turned her gaze towards the door.  
"Victoria! " William exclaimed as if it was an affectionate scolding to his wife, "Calm down, I'm going to settle the baby."  
"No ... I take care of the baby ... You go dress and get ready to take care of the little monkeys," Victoria replied.  
While William left the bed naked and looked for his pyjamas to put them on, Victoria also stood up and took a nightgown that was on the floor beside the bed, and passing it through her head was put to cover her naked body. The nightgown was semitransparent and that reached to the knees. Before going to the crib, Victoria took her mobile phone that was on the small piece of furniture next to the bed and checked the time and then rolled her eyes in a gesture of annoyance.  
Then Victoria went to the crib and put her arms inside, to lift a bundle ... a baby with little time of birth ...  
"Easy, darling! ... Mummy is here! " Victoria said in a warm and motherly tone while cradling the baby in her arms and then loading him, she went to the door of the bedroom and opened it with one hand.  
Facing Victoria were two little girls, one who appeared to be no more than 8 years old and the other who appeared to be 5 or 6 years old. Both girls combined physical features of their parents on their faces, but the older girl looked a little more like her father, in her hair and eyes, and even in the incipient shape of her jaw. On the other hand, the younger girl looked more like her mother, also in her case in her eyes and hair (very similar to those of her mother) and in a face that it could be intuited it would have a markedly childish appearance like that of her mother. The girls wore their pyjamas, and both wore no shoes, although the oldest girl had socks while the youngest was totally barefoot.  
"I’ve told you before to be quiet, girls ... you woke Andrew! " exclaimed Victoria in annoyance, while the baby did not stop screaming really hard, and kicking and slapping like demoniac in the arms of his mother.  
"I told her, mum! ... I told her to wait and not bother you! " replied the older girl.  
"I'm hungry, mummy ... I want breakfast! " exclaimed the youngest girl in a tone of complaint.  
"And you can’t wait? ... And what are you doing up so early on the one day that there's no work or school! And do not you think your parents have the right to rest? " Victoria replied looking upset at the youngest of her daughters.  
"But I’m hungry! " the exasperated little girl replied.  
Victoria winced in exasperation. While the baby was still crying almost hysterically, and kicking and waving his little arms. Victoria whispered sweetly and then slid one of the shoulders from her nightgown and began to feed her baby, relaxing.  
"Yuck! " exclaimed the little girl with disgust, while the older girl laughed.  
Victoria rolled her eyes, while still nursing her son, standing in the bedroom door.  
"And why does he get breakfast before us?" the youngest girl complained.  
"You're very silly! " her older sister replied.  
"Oh for goodness sake! " Victoria exclaimed impatiently, "Don’t ask such silly questions!" she added.  
At that moment William appeared at the door, already dressed in his pyjamas.  
"Good morning girls! ..." William exclaimed and the girls answered him in a chorus, "Stop bothering your mother and you go brush your teeth! Then I'll prepare breakfast ... Lily go put on some socks," he added addressing his youngest daughter.  
"But Daddy! " Lily exclaimed protesting.  
"Put on some socks ... I will not say it for the third time, young lady! It's cold and I do not want you to catch flu by walking barefoot ..." William said and saw Victoria's face with a stern gesture which demanded something of him, "And then we'll have a conversation on the subject of waking up your brother and interrupting ... the relaxation of your parents," he added and saw a satisfied gesture on his wife's face.  
"Yes, Daddy," Lily said reluctantly and started to walk away.  
"Lily is in trouble! " her older sister said mockingly.  
"Shut up, poo breath! " Lily replied angrily.  
"Lily! " exclaimed William and Victoria in a chorus, both cross, "What have I told you about your language, young lady! " William added sternly.  
"I’m sorry, Daddy! It just came out," Lily apologized as she turned to see her parents threatening a sterner rebuke.  
"Well, try not to let it come out anymore! Go put on your socks and wash if you want to have breakfast," said William as a stern father.  
The girl hurried away and Victoria sighed.  
"I'll call in an exorcist one of these days," Victoria said exasperatedly.  
"I'm going to feed them, to see if they calm down ... It's like feeding the tigers," William replied and gave a soft kiss on the lips to his wife, and walked away.  
Victoria went into the bedroom and sat on the bed with her son in her arms while he continued to feed on his mother's breast.  
"At least you’re calm and polite so far ... not like those little devils of your sisters," Victoria said to the baby in a sarcastic tone.  
A few minutes later the baby felt satiated and Victoria patted him on the back. After a moment, she looked him in the eyes.  
"Time for a bath, sweetheart?" Victoria asked him as if he understood.  
Victoria put the baby on the bed and went to the bathroom of the master bedroom to fill the bathtub with hot water, and poured soap bubbles into the water. Then she went back to bed and undressed the baby, and when she finished with him, Victoria took off her nightgown and stood naked. She took the baby in her arms and carefully not to slip, she went into the bathtub with him. She started bathing him and bathing herself, and the baby seemed delighted.  
"Why do I have those weird dreams, Andrew? ... Do you think your mother needs a psychologist? " Victoria asked speaking to herself, her eyes absent and a little distracted, but her baby, who was still in her arms, splashed the water with his little hands, lifting the water and splashing it to her, "You love water, sweetheart! Time for a wash ...splish splash splosh!"  
While in the kitchen William was preparing to make breakfast when his daughters arrived and sat in chairs.  
"Very well ... what do the young ladies want to eat? ... Maybe a typical English breakfast? " William asked as he pulled a pan out of a cupboard.  
"Pancakes! " the girls in chorus exclaimed.  
"Maybe a little bacon and ..." said William apparently ignoring them.  
"Pancakes! " the girls said again.  
"All right, pancakes ... whatever my princesses say," replied William, sighing resignedly.  
"Daddy ... do you think it could snow before Christmas? " the hopeful older girl asked.  
"I do not know, Bella ... it's probable, but in these times you do not know. Although the winter seems like it will be very cold," answered William.  
"I'd like to have a white Christmas! " Bella said excitedly.  
"Me too, child," William replied with a smile, as he worked in the kitchen to make the pancakes.  
"I'd like to make a snowman! " Lily exclaimed.  
"I'm sure of that, my imp," William replied amused.  
"Do you think that this year I can see Santa Claus? " Lily asked excitedly.  
"Santa only visits the good kids, Lily," William said, looking at his youngest daughter in a mocking and sarcastic way.  
"I'm a good girl, Papa! " exclaimed Lily making her sister roll her eyes.  
"Yes, of course ... and I am the Prime Minister! " William replied with irony.  
"You could be Prime Minister, Papa ... I would vote for you," Bella said in a childish and innocent way.  
"I'm afraid I'll be very old, by the time you're old enough to vote, Bella ... but maybe your mother wants to be Prime Minister and you can vote for her," William answered amused.  
"Mum the Prime Minister! ... She would be a dictator! " exclaimed Lily angrily, as if it were a real possibility and she was an adult scared and irritated with the prospect.  
"I think we can agree on that, Lily! " William replied and the three laughed.  
A while later William went to the bathroom of his bedroom to find his wife still in the bathtub with his son.  
"My wife in the bathtub with another man! ... Should I look for my hunting shotgun or should I call a divorce lawyer? " said William mockingly and with a funny and charming smile.  
"I would advise you to look for the lawyer, I can recommend a very good one ..." Victoria answered in a mocking tone, "But meanwhile you could lather your wife's back, and when you finish you could take your son, to dry him and dress him, and sing him a song until he falls asleep, while your poor and exhausted wife spends a couple of minutes more alone in the bathtub, before going down for breakfast," she added speaking more seriously but relaxed.  
"At your orders, my ma'am! " William answered half-jokingly but obliging.  
William, on his knees, soaped his wife's back, while she closed her eyes and had her baby resting on her chest. When finished, William took the baby in his arms and stood up.  
"Do you remember when you and I could spend hours together in the bathtub together? " Victoria asked with nostalgia.  
"How to forget it ..." William exclaimed funnily and with a mischievous gesture on his face, "Maybe when the children grow up and leave home we can do it again," he added with irony.  
Victoria snorted frustrated.  
"Then, this afternoon is your appointment with your agent? " Victoria asked.  
"Yes, but do not worry, tomorrow I'll make up for it and I will not go out all day ... Do you think you'll be able to defend the fort by yourself in front of the little monsters? " William asked mockingly.  
"I suppose ... give me strength!" Victoria replied with irony.  
William left laughing with the baby in his arms, while Victoria threw her head back and closed her eyes.  
A few hours later Victoria placed her baby on the bed and was about to change his nappy. She placed her mobile next to the baby and dialled a number in the memory, and set the handsfree function.  
In a sleek, modern office, a beautiful blond woman, elegantly dressed in the executive manner, who looked the same age as Victoria at the time (a little over 30 years old) answered her mobile phone with a smile.  
"Hello, Vicky! ... Enjoying your maternity leave? " the funny woman asked.  
"Yeah, sure! ... I'm enjoying the exciting adventure of changing my baby's nappy! " Victoria exclaimed sarcastically.  
The blonde laughed, and Victoria could not help but laugh a little.  
"And you call me while you change poor Andrew's nappy? " the blonde asked.  
"I've set my handsfree, and I would not say he’s the poor one, but me. But, tell me ... How are things going in the office? " Victoria asked as she began to remove Andrew’s nappy.  
"Victoria, enjoy your Maternity leave. Do not worry about the affairs of the firm," the woman answered.  
"Fuck maternity leave, Nancy! I prefer to worry about the affairs of the firm than about the exhausting work of taking care of three children ... I want to shorten the maternity leave and return to work sooner," Victoria replied a little exasperated.  
"You can not do that, Victoria! " Nancy replied.  
"Why not! " exclaimed Victoria wrinkling her face when she saw the dirty contents of the diaper before closing it and preparing it to throw it away.  
"Why is it a social achievement of the women of the western world that our grandmothers fought for? ... Why in the future will you regret not having dedicated to your baby the same time and attention that you dedicated to your two eldest daughters? " Nancy answered half seriously and half jokingly.  
"Okay, spoilsport! Why not…? " Victoria said resigned but was interrupted.  
Her two daughters ran into the room, Lily pursued by Bella.  
"Mummy ... she took my Tablet and she does not want to give it to me! " Bella exclaimed complaining bitterly.  
"That happens to you for being so ...! " Lily replied mockingly.  
"Do you two not realize that I'm talking to aunt Nancy on the phone! ..." exclaimed Victoria angrily, "Lily ... give back the Tablet to your sister or you’ll be on the naughty step! " she added trying to sound threatening.  
"The naughty step never works!" Lily replied almost mockingly.  
Nancy's laughter was heard on her cell phone.  
"That girl has caught you, Vicky! ... She's very smart! " Nancy said laughing.  
"Then I'm going to tell your father! " Victoria replied looking at her daughter with furious eyes.  
The girl looked angry and bowed her head.  
"Snitch!" Lily said very quietly.  
"What did you say, young lady! " exclaimed Victoria.  
"That's okay mummy ..." Lily replied dissembling, "Take your stupid Tablet! " she added addressing her older sister while handing her the electronic device.  
"Now I want the two of you to sit in that corner until I finish changing your brother! I want to keep an eye on them, lest they burn down the house," Victoria said authoritatively and saw that her youngest daughter was going to say something, "Without to question, Lily, obey!"  
Lily crossed her arms sulkily, but the two girls obeyed her mother.  
"I think you're having a lot of fun in the pleasant company of your little angels! " scoffed Nancy, mocking over the phone.  
"Yeah right! ... Please, tell me something about the office to distract the mind from this nightmare ... How's Mrs McKay's case going? " Victoria asked while resuming work with her baby, while he waved his small legs and arms, playfully.  
"Very good! We have good news ... you were right, the husband had hidden part of the money through a limited company domiciled in Luxembourg, which channelled it through accounts in Gibraltar and with that ... he bought two houses in Spain, in a highly valued tourist area, on the coast ... our investigator collected evidence and we can prove in court that the husband had hidden part of the patrimony not to satisfy the demands of our client in the divorce," said Nancy excited.  
"I knew ... Fucking bastard! " exclaimed Victoria enthusiastically.  
"Oh! " scandalized girls exclaimed.  
"Yes, mama said a rude word and she's going to wash her mouth with soap later! " Victoria apologized partly embarrassed and partly annoyed, "Well, I'm glad we did it, now we just have to attack with all in the trial," Victoria added to Nancy, "Surely Andrew is proud of the great lawyer who is his mother! " Victoria exclaimed smiling as she lifted her naked baby over her head ... but then something happened, "No ... Andrew, no! " exclaimed Victoria.  
"What happens, Victoria! " Nancy exclaimed in anguish thinking that something bad had happened to her friend or the children.  
"Andrew ... he just weed in my face! " Victoria answered, and the baby smiled as if he was happy.  
Nancy and the daughters of Victoria laughed almost hysterically, while Victoria had a gesture on her face as if she were going to cry.  
"I should have imagined that you could not have escaped the diabolical gene, Andrew," Victoria said resignedly, while the baby seemed to laugh.  
The next day Nancy and Victoria were walking through a modern and elegant shopping centre, with some shopping bags in their hands.  
"You should not complain so much, Victoria ... after all you have a husband who is very competent as a father, and thanks to the fact that he stayed with the children we could enjoy this walk together," said Nancy as they walked stopping in front of the shop windows.  
"I guarantee that if you were in my place you would not say the same ... how long ago that you and I do not have moments like this ... a 'girl time'? And if you knew how children cause problems, especially Lily ..." Victoria replied.  
"Lily just looks like her mother, is rebellious and has a bad temper like you," Nancy said funny.  
"I suppose you've been talking to my mother ... in any case, I prefer to be working, this maternity leave is unsettling me," Victoria complained.  
"It's just part of the work-life balance, Vicky," commented Nancy.  
"The work-life balance is a hoax! Do you really think that women have it easy to reconcile our professional life with family life and a relationship? " Victoria said with irony.  
"It's strange to hear it said of a woman who has a comfortable upper-middle-class life," Nancy replied as if it were a political or philosophical debate.  
"Upper middle class! You would see when William and I do the end of the month accounts you would not say that ... we are not exactly billionaires," Victoria answered.  
"But you have a husband who works at home and he is a brilliant father ... you have a nanny who works for you almost every day, although now she is in her country visiting her family for the holiday, thanks to your generosity and understanding, a gesture that honours you ... think about the poor women of the past, my great-grandmother had to work in a factory more than 12 hours a day while taking care of a family of eight children ... we are very lucky compared to them," said Nancy.  
"It is called evolution and progress, Nancy ... I will not apologize for complaining even though my life is privileged compared to that of a working woman 100 years ago, and much better than that of the millions of women of past centuries, especially in the case of the cavewomen," Victoria replied.  
"Vicky, why do you always get so grumpy when Christmas approaches? Since I know you, you try to be happy and sometimes you get it, especially since you met William and since you became a mother ... but even in your happiest Christmas, I see that sadness and melancholy in you, particularly when you think that nobody sees you. And now I see you again almost as grumpy as on those Christmases before meeting William," said Nancy with empathy for her friend.  
"I do not know, Nancy! We have already discussed it in the past, it is not that I hate Christmas, it is simply that in the middle of the happiness of the festivity I feel as if there was something inside me, that it does not let me be totally happy, as if I were missing something, as missing a piece in my mental chess ... sometimes I think it may be because I miss my father ... But when I was a child he tried to make me happy at Christmas, because even then Papa said I was a sad girl ..." Victoria said with sad nostalgia, "... as I've told you before, he loved carpentry and took me to his little workshop in the house, where he played with me and made me laugh while working on decorative pieces for Christmas and taught me how to work with wood ... I suppose it must be a bunch of things in my subconscious, but I do not know it," she added.  
"That's why I thought you'd like my first Christmas present for you," Nancy replied with affection and enthusiasm.  
"Since you talked about that for the first time you have me intrigued ... I do not know what you're up to, and I confess that I'm a bit nervous," Victoria answered cautiously.  
"Easy, you know that when it comes to me, it will not be bad or foolhardy," replied Nancy with a charming smile. "Come on, the place where your surprise awaits is very close to here."  
A while later Victoria and Nancy were in front of the door of an old house that had been remodelled and partially modernized, and on the wooden door was a gold plaque on which was written in silver letters: "Doctor Mary Dewsbury, Parapsychologist".  
"A parapsychologist! ... You're crazy, Nancy! " exclaimed Victoria.  
"Surely you did not expect it! " Nancy answered with childish joy.


	2. A Vision to Christmas of the Past.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria has reluctantly crossed a threshold, now she will discover a window to the Christmas of the past. Where will this road lead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend this video to see before or after reading the chapter (it has everything to do with the theme of the story): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCSTqu64tN0

"But what am I going to do in a parapsychologist's office? " Victoria asked bewildered.  
"A past life regression ... to remember the reasons for your problems and your sadness at Christmas. Where are you going? " Nancy asked complaining when she saw Victoria turn around to leave.  
"I'm not going to submit to a past life regression or hypnosis of any kind! ... I will not put my head in the hands of a stranger and less than a witch! " Victoria protested.  
"She is not a witch! ... She is a respected professional in her field, and she is very kind and effective in her work ... I know because a few days ago I regressed with her," Nancy replied.  
"You made a regression and you did not tell me anything! And what are you supposed to remember? " Victoria said between scandalized and curious.  
"Well, I remembered at least three different lives apart from the current one, including one as a maid of a powerful lady ..." Nancy answered in a slightly enigmatic way and seeing Victoria with a look that made Victoria felt a small chill, "But you have to do it yourself so you can understand it," she added enthusiastically.  
"No, no way ..." Victoria began.  
"You will because it is a gift of mine for you and I would resent you to reject it," Nancy said turning serious.  
"I'll compensate you, I ..." tried to claim Victoria.  
"On the other hand, I did not want to resort to this, but you do not leave me another option ... do you remember the time you made me get on that plane with you and jump by parachute? It was two weeks before your wedding with William and you asked for it as a wedding gift, because you wanted to live an intense experience with your friend, the last maiden experience ... and you knew that I was very afraid and you forced me to overcome my fear. And remember what you said? If someday I asked you to do something crazy, whatever it was, you would do it to pay off your debt to me ... well, that day has arrived," Nancy said seriously but with a mocking and a bit sarcastic smile.  
"That's a low blow! " exclaimed Victoria crossing her arms and sulking, in a gesture that made Nancy laugh because it reminded her of Victoria's daughter, Lily, when she sulked ... mother and daughter did it in almost the same way.  
In the end, Victoria reluctantly agreed and went with Nancy to the office, and the secretary asked them to wait while she went to find Dr Mary. It did not take many minutes before the doctor arrived, a woman more or less tall, blonde and middle-aged. Nancy introduced them and Victoria was very kind despite her little enthusiasm.  
"The pleasure is mine ... Victoria! " Mary said as she shook Victoria's hand, and Victoria felt a little uncomfortable because of Mary's intense and excited look, and because even the parapsychologist's eyes seemed a little wet ...  
A while later Victoria was sitting in front of Mary's desk (Nancy had stayed in the waiting room) and the two were talking.  
"Before doing hypnosis I have to ask you some control questions, Victoria ... are you religious? " Mary asked as she took notes in her notebook.  
"Well, officially I belong to the Church of England, but I almost never go to religious services, and I'm not really a religious ... I consider myself Christian because I love and admire Jesus, and I want to believe that there is a superior force that is also beneficent ... but I confess that I often have doubts and sometimes I am tempted by scepticism," Victoria answered with sincerity.  
"And ... do you believe in life after death? ... What do you think about reincarnation? " Mary asked.  
"I want to believe that death is not the end of everything ... I want to believe that there is something afterwards and that this something is better than this life, but it happens as with God and I often have many doubts ... As for reincarnation, it seems like a beautiful idea and on the one hand, I would love to have a life to correct all the bad that I did in the previous one and to live again and again the positive things of life, like childhood or love ... but on the other hand it terrifies me relive the fears, dangers and pains of life," answered Victoria.  
Mary asked other control questions that Victoria answered and at the end, they got up from the desk and went to a divan and an armchair. Victoria lay on her back on the divan, barefoot, and Mary lowered the intensity of the light until the room was almost dark. Mary sat in the armchair next to the divan, and at a small table between the two pieces of furniture, she placed an artefact from which hung a kind of pendulum and made Victoria turn her head to see it. While Victoria watched the hypnotic movement Mary was saying words to relax her and make her go into a trance. It was not long before Victoria's eyelids became heavy and she had to close her eyes. Mary continued saying a series of words that made Victoria plunge into an ever-deepening trance until she was totally hypnotized.  
"Victoria, I want you to remember the happiest moment of your life ... in this current life," Mary said in a soft, affectionate and hypnotic voice.  
Victoria smiled sweetly, her eyes closed.  
"It was when I met my husband, William ... He was a Member of parliament, a Tory ... it was not really the first time we saw each other, he had been my father's friend and when I was a little girl he saw me several times in my parents' house ... But when I was three years old he left to live abroad and did not return until several years later, when my father had already died and he had no contact with my mother ... But when I studied law in the University, it presented my opportunity to work with him ..." Victoria said.  
Victoria's story told Mary what happened that day in Westminster ... William was in his office when the secretary announced Victoria's arrival. Both were a little shocked to see each other for the first time ...  
"Victoria ... Oh my God ... you were a little girl the last time I saw you! I had you in my arms ... I mean ... I had to carry you when you were a baby! " said William nervous and very embarrassed, while Victoria blushed and could not help but laugh a little, "Even I took you to bed ... I mean to the crib! " William rectified very clumsy and more embarrassed, and then Victoria laughed and William also laughed at his own stupidity.  
They talked for a while and Victoria explained that as a law student she wanted to work as an intern with a Member of parliament because it was a very valuable experience.  
"Tell me, Victoria, do you vote for the Conservative Party? " William asked with kindness and a smile.  
"Well, if you want me to be sincere, I ..." Victoria answered in a slightly embarrassing way.  
"You vote to the Labour Party? " William asked funny.  
"No, neither ... I consider myself independent, and in the only General Election that I have voted ... in the last election, I voted for the Lib Dems," Victoria answered with a funny smile.  
"Well, do not worry, I'm not partisan," William answered.  
Victoria went on to narrate the end of the meeting and how William employed her as an intern, and they started working together.  
"Victoria, I want your mind to pass quickly through other happy memories and you go to the first moment when you felt that William was in love with you," said Mary.  
Victoria's mind evoked the memory ... it had been less than two months since she had started working with William and their relationship was very close and happy because it seemed as if they had known each other all their lives. Their long conversations were always full of laughter and sweet and charming moments, but Victoria had carefully avoided talking about her own personal life ... that day, in William's office in Parliament, they had finished the pending work and both were laughing for a joke that William did.  
"Well, I think that after such a productive day we deserve a break ... Victoria, do you want to come and drink a couple of beers with me to that pub that I told you about ... the one near here? " William asked trying to sound relaxed and fun, but there was some anxiety hidden in him.  
But Victoria's face paled a little and she swallowed thickly as if she were going to say something she did not mean.  
"I would love ... but I think today it will not be possible, because ... well, my boyfriend is going to come looking for me," Victoria said nervous and somewhat embarrassed (although she was supposed to have no reason to be ashamed), and her cheeks blushed a little.  
"Oh ... I understand ... It's okay," William answered trying to appear calm, but on his face, you could feel disappointment and sadness and ... jealousy?  
"I'm sorry, William ... if I had known before I would have told him not to come today, I ..." Victoria justified herself as if she were justifying a cheating to her partner.  
"No, nothing happens ... a boyfriend has priority over a friend. Also, you are young and you should enjoy life. And they were just a few beers, it's not the big deal," said William with a friendly smile, but anyone who knew him well would notice the great sadness in his eyes.  
"All right ... another day will be. See you soon," Victoria said with a nervous smile and left.  
Victoria's face under hypnosis reflected a certain sadness when she remembered that episode.  
"William told me that he could not avoid the temptation to sneak out and saw how my then boyfriend, Richard, greeted me by kissing me on the lips ... That day I felt sad because I knew I had broken his heart a little ... but I also felt a little happy, because I suspected that he was falling in love with me," Victoria said to Mary under hypnosis.  
"Very well, Victoria ... now I want you to remember the next happy moment in your relationship," said Mary.  
Victoria remembered that it was a couple of weeks after that failed invitation to the pub (a few weeks in which William did not repeat his invitation despite Victoria's insinuations). Victoria was crying sitting in a corner of the office when William saw her and sat by her side him worried.  
"What happens, Victoria? " he asked.  
"My boyfriend and me ... we have broken," Victoria answered crying.  
"I'm very sorry, Victoria ... if you want to talk about it ... Do you want to tell me what happened? " William said affectionate and protective, sincerely worried about her.  
"He and I understood that our feelings were not strong enough, that we were not so in love to continue and take the next step in the relationship, and that we did not really have a future together ... but there was something else, that hurt Richard when I confessed it ... and that's because I'm in love with another man," Victoria replied with tears in her eyes.  
"Other man ... I understand ... and it is not daring of me to ask who it is? " William asked sad and anguished.  
"You really are so stupid that you need me to tell you! " exclaimed Victoria desperate and angry, without ceasing to cry, making William put a face of surprise and confusion, "It's you, idiot!"  
"Victoria, I ...! " William babbled impacted and perplexed.  
Both remained looking into each other's eyes, an intense and anxious look. And soon both ended up taking a passionate and prolonged kiss on the lips, while William hugged her tightly. After breaking the kiss, William rested his forehead on Victoria's forehead.  
"Victoria ... God knows I'm madly in love with you ... and that there's nothing I want more than to be with you! But I'm scared ... I'm old enough to be your father, I carried you in my arms when you were a baby and your father was a friend of mine ... I also have a past ... you know I had a scandalous divorce when my wife left with another ... And you are so young! I do not want to hurt you, I do not want to ruin your life," said William trembling with emotion.  
"William, I am of age and I am responsible for my own decisions, neither you nor anyone has to take responsibility for my life and my decisions ... And if I am not interested in your age or that you have been friends with my father, nobody else should be interested ... We can not ignore what we feel, we must give us an opportunity ... I propose that we start dating, and we will see what happens. In the worst case we will remain, friends," Victoria replied.  
Victoria smiled tenderly while narrating under hypnotic trance.  
"I was not totally honest with him ... I was not willing to let him go, I had decided that he would be mine," Victoria told Mary, "Our first date was romantic and charming, and on the second date we made love for the first time ... I insisted that he take me to his apartment and we did it there ... it was beautiful and very hot, and I was surprised by the great size of his ..." Victoria added.  
"Victoria, you do not have to remember those details," interrupted Mary uncomfortably.  
"But it's really big," Victoria said speaking naturally in her trance as if she were talking about something trivial.  
"Very good for you, girl! Now let's move on," Mary said in a quiet voice.  
Victoria quickly recalled other happy moments of her current life, such as her marriage to William just a few months after they started dating. The birth of their first child less than a year after marriage, and the birth of their other children.  
"Well, Victoria ... now we are going to go further back, before your birth ..." Mary said.  
So Victoria remembered when she was in her mother's womb and placed herself in a fetal position on the divan.  
"It feels so warm, so peaceful ..." Victoria said.  
"Victoria, now I want you to go back a lot more in the time ... I want you to go back to a previous life ... I want you in your most remote memory to look for the first Christmas in which you were really happy in your previous life ... I want you to remember the reasons why that Christmas was special for you, for those that Christmas was happy. I want you to remember those reasons and tell me how it was that everything happened," Mary asked.  
Victoria was silent for a moment, and then began to speak again, but with a slightly different tone of voice, speaking with the accent of the English Royal Family in the nineteenth century.  
"I was in Buckingham ... I was waiting for Lord M, we had to have our usual meeting to dispatch the outstanding affairs of state ... He came and knelt on the floor, and kissed my hand to greet me, as he always did ..." Victoria said.  
Mary was shocked and a little surprised, but maybe not as much as she should be in that situation. She also looked a little moved ... Victoria described the distant memory of a past life ...  
"Well, these are the last dispatches that you must sign for today, ma'am ... this is an order to pay the expenses of the repair of three ships of the Royal Navy. An allocation of funds for workhouses, a decree on norms for the textile industry and a dispatch on appointments in the administration in the Province of Nova Scotia," Lord Melbourne said while putting the documents in front of her on the desk.  
Victoria signed the documents but her gesture and her look were distracted and sad, and Lord Melbourne studied her with interest.  
"Well, that's the last dispatches ... ma'am, may I ask you a personal question? " Lord Melbourne asked.  
"Of course, Lord M ... you can ask me anything you want," Victoria replied, although she blushed and felt a little embarrassed when she realized that her last words were a little improper, being too familiar, with her Prime Minister.  
"I appreciate your trust, ma'am ... it's an honour you do me! " Lord Melbourne responded with an affectionate tone and that charming smile that accelerated Victoria's heart, "I have noticed in recent days that you are melancholy, absent and a little sad ... I have noticed that you do not exhibit that natural joy in you, that contagious enthusiasm, and I was wondering if something bothered you. I'm probably overdoing it and I'm meddling inappropriately in your privacy, in which case I apologize," he added kindly but cautiously.  
"Oh, no, Lord M! ... You know that I totally trust you and that for me you are more than my Prime Minister and my Private Secretary ... that I am pleased to consider you my friend, and which if there someone I would trust my problems it is you," Victoria replied honestly.  
"I am honoured again, ma'am, " he said humbly.  
"You are right ... I am a little distracted, and certainly melancholic and sad. What happens is that Christmas is coming, Lord M ... and I ... well, maybe you will think it's silly," said Victoria.  
"I would never think that anything you think or feel is foolish, ma'am," replied Lord Melbourne with that way of seeing her that made her feel the most special person on Earth.  
"Lord M, you have an approximate idea of how was my childhood and my adolescence in Kensington ..." Victoria replied sadly, "I spent the whole time locked in Kensington, almost never went outside, and the only people I saw were usually my mother, Lehzen ... and Conroy," that last name, Victoria pronounced it with contempt, "When Christmas was approaching, I longed to have a Christmas like the one that girls of my age had ... well, from what I knew from the books I read about Christmas, the newspapers I read with the excuse of informing myself about politics and the Monarchy but that in the weeks before the festivity brought information about Christmas, and stories and anecdotes that I begged to Lehzen tell me ... I imagined with sadness and envy the Christmas that other girls enjoyed with their families ... and I thought that I would have given all the gold in the world for having a happy and sweet celebration with a beautiful family ... you know ... to dinner talking and laughing, then to sing together, even to dance and lie down delighted to open the gifts the next day ... But I never had any of that, Lord M ... Christmas in Kensington was almost like any other day ... a dinner boring and sad with Conroy and my mother, and then they sent me with Lehzen to take me to the bedroom and help me undress and prepare me to sleep ... Lehzen tried to cheer me up a bit, but ... you know how she is, it is not the life of the party ... not even the gifts, which I admit were pretty, managed to lift my mood ... I never had a really happy Christmas, Lord M," concluded Victoria.  
Lord Melbourne looked at her with sadness and compassion, and he was also angry with those who had prevented that wonderful and sensitive girl from having a life as happy and normal as possible for someone of her status.  
"But now you are the Queen, ma'am ... this will be your first Christmas as Queen, and now you have the freedom, the power and the resources to celebrate it as you wish ... as you have always wanted," said Lord Melbourne in an encouraging way.  
"I know, Lord M ... and that causes me some emotion and enthusiasm. But ... I barely have 6 months as a Queen, and I still do not get used to it completely. And for so many years of solitary isolation, I really do not have many friends ... I hardly know Emma or Harriet ... more or less well, and of course you, my dear Lord M, who is my best friend, my only true friend. I could surround myself with people because around a Monarch there are always enough people, but I do not want to surround myself at Christmas with people who only come to me for interest and that I do not know them or barely know them ... I know, I can't recover those lost Christmases of my childhood, but I wish I had something as close as possible, something intimate and familiar but very happy and charming, I just do not know how ... Lord M, could I ask how you celebrate Christmas? " Victoria said.  
"Me? " Lord M asked surprised, "Well, actually since my son died I do not worry much about thinking about Christmas ... I simply accept the invitation of my sister Emily and spend Christmas Eve with her and her family. But only because my sister insists, if not, I think I would spend it in Brocket Hall, drinking after dinner like I do any night," he added with a smile.  
"That plan in Brocket Hall would be worse than my Christmas in Kensington," Victoria replied and both laughed, "Lord M, I would like to ask you something, and you do not feel obliged to accept, because it is being asked by a friend and not the Queen ... Would you like to spend Christmas here in Buckingham? " she added anxiously and with the gesture of a little girl who prays for something she desires a lot.  
Lord Melbourne was perplexed and Victoria saw it on his face.  
"Of course, if you prefer to spend Christmas Eve with your sister I will understand," Victoria said without being able to hide her sadness.  
"No, ma'am ... I'd love to spend Christmas Eve with you. And of course, I accept your kind invitation with pleasure ... but I must warn you that there will be more gossip about how close we are," answered Lord M.  
"That does not worry me! I will not give up the opportunity to have the first happy Christmas in my life because of rumours and malicious gossip ... So you accept? " Victoria asked anxiously.  
"It's a pleasure to accept, Your Majesty," Lord Melbourne replied with the most charming smile.  
"Magnificent! Then I will arrange everything, I will tell Lehzen that for that day prepares the most comfortable guest room for you," said Victoria with contagious happiness.  
More than a century later, a woman asked another woman lying on a divan ...  
"Victoria ... are we talking about Christmas which year?" Mary asked.  
"It was Christmas of 1837 ...


	3. Christmas 1837.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria will remember her first happy Christmas. What surprises will those memories bring from a remote past?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I invite you to listen to these carols while reading the chapter, as you will see them have their role:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5LROczmJHg  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANUV9vD1zg8  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRAFQCOkjgE

_London 2017, a few days before Christmas:_  
Under the hypnotic trance, Victoria had just said that her memory went back to Christmas 1837, while Dr Mary on her face reflected mixed emotions and even her hands trembled. She urged Victoria to continue her story ...  
_Buckingham Palace 1837, Christmas Eve:_  
Victoria was elegantly dressed in a red dress, and her maid Nancy had spent a couple of hours preparing her to look as beautiful and dazzling as possible. Victoria was nervous, and as excited and anxious as a little girl because that really was her at that moment ... because she was a girl over 18 years of age who until then had not lived a real Christmas, and that's why her emotion was almost equal to that of a little girl who lived her first Christmas after ceasing to be a baby and had reached the age of reason to speak and understand what was happening around her.  
She almost wanted to go down the stairs quickly and run down the long, wide corridors and halls of the Palace, and jump around, sending the devil the composure that was to be expected of a British Queen ... but can not do it, she settled for smile widely and laugh with any excuse.  
But Victoria was also a young woman who had not yet finished adolescence, and as such her heart beat with the longings and desires of a young girl who woke up to sexuality and longed for love. Perhaps Victoria did not understand her own feelings very well, although a suspicion lodged in her consciousness, like a small voice still remote and weak that tried to be heard. But what was evident was the emotion she felt whenever she was next to him, or when she simply awaited his arrival ...  
And on that day Victoria was particularly anxious, waiting for her beloved Lord M to arrive, and every time a guest came to the door of the room, Victoria's heart would speed up and her eyes would search for him avidly. Until finally he arrived ...  
Lord Melbourne walked towards her, awesome in his tall stature, dressed as the most elegant and impeccable of all the gentlemen she had ever known. He walked firmly, exuding virility, with one of his famous lovely smiles on his face, and with the seductive look of his eyes fixed on her. Victoria felt a slight tremor in her body ...  
Victoria extended her arm and Lord Melbourne gently kissed the back of her hand, and then he straightened the body to meet her eyes.  
"Lord M, I'm glad you arrived. Fortunately, we have your pleasant presence," Victoria said trying to sound formal, but with a childish joy that could barely conceal.  
"For nothing in the world, I would stop attending, ma'am ... I would not miss the opportunity to share a Christmas with you, Your Majesty," Lord Melbourne answered in such a charming way that it almost seemed like he was flirting with her, making Victoria blush and go back to feel a tremor in her body.  
After a while, Victoria, Lord Melbourne and the rest of the guests went to the dining room and sat down to enjoy the abundant and appetizing dinner. In the six months that Victoria had been Queen, she did not remember a dinner as happy and wonderful as that night, although in those months she had had the opportunity to enjoy many official banquets at the Court. She felt that the atmosphere, in general, was charming and exciting and that everyone seemed imbued with the festive spirit of that magical, ancestral and mystical celebration. Or maybe it was just that whenever the looks of Victoria and Lord Melbourne crossed each other, whenever he gave her one of his wonderful smiles, or whenever he spoke to tell her some anecdote, comment something or make some joke, she felt happy as a child when opening her Christmas presents ...  
As dinner drew to an end, Victoria watched enthralled through the windows that it snowed copiously, and almost began to scream like a child of emotion. So Victoria hastened the end of dinner, to the dismay of some diners who still had not finished their meal.  
Victoria stood up, and barely complied with the formality dictated by the protocol. She walked away from the huge banquet table and soon the diners followed her. Victoria did not take her eyes off the huge windows and saw the snow falling in rapture ... with how much desire she would have gone outside to play with the snow!  
Excited Victoria made her way through the light of the chandeliers, a light that gave a magical aspect to the Palace room. But as Victoria was distracted and the guests were waiting for her, a voice called her. It was the voice of her faithful Baroness Lehzen, her former governess (practically her adoptive mother) and now the head of the Palace staff.  
Victoria realized her forgetfulness, and smiling was walking towards in the direction of Lehzen to enter the room where she would preside over the dance with which she would regale the relatively small group of guests who had attended the Christmas Eve dinner.  
A few minutes later, Victoria searched with her eyes anxiously at Lord Melbourne, who had fallen behind talking to another gentleman when they left the banquet table. It was not long before he appeared and addressed her.  
"Did you like your first Christmas Eve dinner as Queen, ma'am? " Lord Melbourne asked with affection and joy.  
"Yes, Lord Melbourne! It was definitely more cheerful than my Christmas Eve dinners in Kensington ... Although I did not know most of the diners well, I felt very happy ... the atmosphere was very lively," Victoria replied happily.  
"I am very happy to hear it, ma'am ... evidently, dinner would have been even happier for you if you had been surrounded by people of your age, young people, and not by many old people like us," Lord Melbourne said mockingly.  
"Lord M ... when you're going to stop talking nonsense! ... You're not old at all ... you're young and ... funny! " Victoria exclaimed with a small laugh, and she blushed again because she was about to be indiscreet because she thought to say 'handsome' and at the last moment she replaced it with 'funny'.  
"Well, ma'am ... you flatter me ... Would you allow me the first dance? " Lord Melbourne replied with a smile.  
"Of course ... Lord M! " Victoria answered and mentally hoped not to have sounded too enthusiastic.  
Both went to the centre of the room (where the crowd was waiting to start the dance) and both joining their hands began to dance when they heard the first chords of the music played by a small orchestra. Victoria felt herself levitating in the strong arms of Lord Melbourne as they both turned around the room, to the music. She felt that his hand almost at the end of her back burned her as if it transmitted an intense hot that spread through her body and caused her to tingle. Victoria experienced for the first time sensations that she had never felt before and that she could not identify at all.  
"Ma'am?" Lord Melbourne asked.  
"What? ... Excuse me, did you say something, Lord M? " Victoria said that she realized that she was so enraptured, so absorbed by the emotion of dancing in his arms that night, that she had not realized that he was talking to her.  
"Yes ... I just told you that this Christmas party reminds me a bit of the one my mother organized ... of course, them was a little less sumptuous because we did not live in a Royal Palace ... but even if it was not Her Majesty's Court, they were definitely parties very lively and charming," commented Lord Melbourne with nostalgia and joy.  
"Really? ... Did your mother really liked Christmas?" asked Victoria interested and cheerful.  
"My mother liked any occasion to be happy, any occasion to unite the family and make all her children happy ... she was a very vital and cheerful woman and loved the festivities. I think that deep down she always had a certain soul of a child, even when she was older and her death was near ... That's why she put so much care into making Christmas at Brocket Hall so special, that each inhabitant of the house felt touched for the spirit of the festivity ... And that is why she planned every detail of the Christmas feast with much anticipation ... yes, definitely when I was a boy, Christmas was very special for me thanks to my mother," Lord Melbourne answered with a sweet smile.  
"It was the kind of Christmas that I would have liked to have! " Victoria replied with some sadness.  
"Well, ma'am ... not everything was perfect. My ... my 'father' ..." said Lord Melbourne getting a little serious and sad to remember the man who had officially been his father, the husband of his mother, although everyone assumed that he was the son of one of the lovers from his mother, "... he was a man ... bitter and his mood was not exactly improved by his excessive love of alcohol ... So, even though my mother tried hard that him not to ruin our Christmas ... sometimes he could get it, even if it was half," he added and his face was covered with the pain that caused him the memory of some Christmas in which 'his father' had been hard on him, making him the victim of some humiliating rebuff.  
Victoria saw him with compassion and wanted to stop the dance and draw his head to her chest to comfort him ... but it was an impossible desire.  
"You had your father, and I had Conroy ... I do not know which one would be worse," Victoria said with a mocking and ironic smile, which made Lord Melbourne and she ended up laughing, "Maybe you and I are more alike than people can imagine ... maybe we are soulmates," added Victoria seeing him with a look full of tenderness and affection.  
Lord Melbourne shuddered when he saw the look in Victoria's eyes ... he felt his heart speed up and that a small tremor ran through his body. He felt the danger lurking ... because he had never felt this way, so vulnerable to the charm and beauty of a woman ... even when he was a teenage boy who fell in love for the first time, and not even when he met his wife Caroline (despite that with her had been love at first sight) ... Lord Melbourne had to make an effort to calm down and not look so disturbed ...  
"Well ... the only advantage to stop being children, and to become adults, is that we can decide how to celebrate Christmas ... And I am sure that from now on all your Christmas will be happy ma'am because you can decide how and with who you celebrate them, and I wish that your life is very long so that it can compensate the sad moments of the past," said Lord Melbourne in a charming way.  
"Thank you very much, Lord M! ... I also wish all the happiness for you ... at Christmas and at any time! " Victoria exclaimed happily.  
Victoria and Lord Melbourne continued to dance enchanted, then she danced with a couple of diners, and then she went back to dancing with him. At one point Lord Melbourne caught her attention and took her to a corner of the room.  
"Ma'am ... I think I should advise you to prepare yourself for a surprise," Lord Melbourne said with a mischievous smile and gesture.  
"A surprise!" exclaimed Victoria, intrigued and excited.  
"Yes, that's right ... what would Christmas be without surprises, ma'am?" he replied delightedly.  
Before Victoria could say anything else, she noticed that the little orchestra was leaving the room with its instruments in the direction of another room, and then Baroness Lehzen approached Victoria and asked her to go to that room. Victoria saw Lehzen and Lord Melbourne with curiosity, and then she jolly walked towards the stay, and the guests followed her.  
In the other room, there was a group of chairs arranged in such a way that it resembled the stalls of a small theatre. Victoria sat on the seat of honour, and then the others took a seat next to and behind her, and Lord Melbourne sat with Emma and Emma's husband sitting between him and Victoria. The orchestra settled into another group of chairs in a corner.  
Expectant Victoria waited for the surprise until they began to hear voices ... a chorus of voices that seemed to approach Victoria and the rest of the audience, while the orchestra began to play.  
They were childish and very tuned voices ... a lady of medium height, thin and very white skin, quite pale, entered followed by a group of little girls dressed in red and gold robes, while the girls enthusiastically sang the lyrics of the song:  
“I saw three ships come sailing in  
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day  
I saw three ships come sailing in  
On Christmas Day in the morning  
Wither sailed those ships all three  
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day  
Wither sailed those ships all three  
On Christmas Day in the morning  
Oh they sailed into Bethlehem  
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day  
They sailed into Bethlehem …”  
It was the lyrics of a popular, Christmas carol, "I Saw Three Ships." Victoria was very happy and moved, she did not stop smiling as some tears ran down her cheeks, and a couple of times she turned to see Lord Melbourne which smiling happily. When the Christmas carol was over and the children's choir was silenced, the woman bowed deeply to Victoria and the girls behind her imitated her.  
"Your Majesty, it is a great honour to be here today in front you and such a distinguished audience ... I am Mrs Julia Curran, and I am a teacher at "The Colman Institution", a school for poor and orphan girls ... We have been distinguished with the honour of singing for you on this Christmas Eve, and that's what, the Colman choir girls are here for. We hope that it is to your liking, and with your permission, we want to offer you other Christmas carols from our repertoire," said Mrs Julia in an excited voice.  
Victoria nodded delightedly, and then, under the guidance of Mrs Julia, the girls' choir began to sing another carol:  
“The First Noel the angel did say  
Was to certain poor shepherds  
in fields, as they lay;  
In fields as they lay, keeping their sheep,  
On a cold winter's night that was so deep.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel,  
Born is the King of Israel.

They looked up and saw a star  
Shining in the east beyond them far …”  
At the end of the carol "The First Noel", the girls sang the next, "Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus":  
“Come, Thou long expected Jesus  
Born to set Thy people free;  
From our fears and sins release us,  
Let us find our rest in Thee.  
Israel's strength and consolation,  
Hope of all the earth Thou art;  
Dear desire of every nation,  
Joy of every longing heart …”  
The girls sang other carols, and at the end, Victoria stood up and greeted the girls, one by one, with much affection, tenderness and joy. The girls were very excited and some of them could not help but shed a few tears for the thrill of being in front of the Queen. Victoria congratulated them with enthusiasm and thanked them for their wonderful voices.  
A while later Victoria was talking to Mrs Julia and Lord Melbourne in a corner, while the girls had been taken to an adjoining room where Lehzen had arranged for them to have cakes and various sweets for them.  
"So, when Lord Melbourne gently invited us to sing in front you, Your Majesty ... we were deeply honoured and grateful to Lord Melbourne for giving us this opportunity to share the talent of our girls ... The Lamb family is very generous to us, Your Majesty ... Lord Melbourne's sister, Lady Emily, is one of our greatest sponsors for a long time ... and tonight's invitation is a wonderful gift for our girls in the midst of the hard lives they've had, something that surely they will never forget," said Mrs Julia with joy and gratitude.  
"The gift has been mine! I can tell you, Mrs Julia, that this has been the best gift of my life ... your girls have voices of true angels, and I have felt that they have transported me to that night when our Lord Jesus was born and that I have been by his side in the manger of Bethlehem ... Believe me when I tell you that it was the best Christmas Eve of my life ... and that's why I would like to do something for your girls, to improve their living conditions," Victoria responded very touched and happy.  
"All help is always grateful, Your Majesty. Although thanks to the generous donation that Lord Melbourne has made, I think that the situation of the girls will be much better in the short term," said Mrs Julia but seeing the face with the embarrassing gesture of Lord Melbourne thought that perhaps she had been indiscreet.  
"Yes ... Lord Melbourne is very generous," Victoria said funny but seeing Lord Melbourne as if she were proud of him.  
A few minutes later Victoria and Lord Melbourne were talking to each other alone, both standing in the doorway of a room.  
"Lord M ... why do I suspect that the surprise for me came out very expensive to you? " Victoria said with a charming smile.  
"Well, ma'am ... after all it was for a good cause. Helping those unfortunate girls, who have really had a hard life, is gratifying enough by itself ... but if I can also make this Christmas one of happiest and most unforgettable in your life, any amount of money is nothing to put that smile on your face, ma'am," said Lord Melbourne with affection and charm.  
Lord Melbourne saw how Victoria's eyes shone, the look on her face and thought maybe he had talked too much.  
"And besides, after all, I am a widower without children to whom I can leave my inheritance ... and my sister and my brother already have enough money to live without problems the rest of their lives. So ... well, I can afford to be a little wasteful, ma'am," said Lord Melbourne funny and trying to sound joking, although a little embarrassed.  
"Well, Lord M ... things can always change," Victoria replied, looking at him with an intense and almost suggestive look, which betrayed the deep feelings of the innocent Victoria, making Lord Melbourne nervous while his heart accelerated.  
Lord Melbourne tried to distract Victoria with a talk about other things, and she answered enthusiastically until suddenly her eyes fixed on something that was on top of Lord Melbourne.  
"Lord M ... have you seen that? " Victoria asked.  
Lord Melbourne followed Victoria's gaze and realized that half-hidden among the garlands that hung from the threshold was a sprig of mistletoe.  
"I imagine you know that widespread habit among the servants, Lord M," Victoria said with interest.  
"Oh, yes ... the habit of kiss each other under the mistletoe ... I believe that when I was a child, they have already practised it ... I knew that the servants of Brocket Hall did it. I imagine that some mischievous servants placed it, there to take advantage when the masters were not in sight to kiss the maids ... everyone has fun at Christmas, ma'am," replied Lord Melbourne amused.  
"Yes, everyone ... but, in the end, we always end up emulating the funny customs of the common people ... And why not? " Victoria said with longing while blushing.  
Lord Melbourne was confused and needed a few moments to understand what she meant ... but when he realized, his confusion turned into horror ... The Queen wanted him to kiss her under the mistletoe!  
It was so inconceivable that for that reason in the first instants his mind resisted to understand it, although the sense of her words was evident. Distressed Lord Melbourne thought that the champagne glasses that Victoria had drunk had had an unwanted effect on the inexperienced and naive young girl. He also cursed himself because perhaps he had sent confusing signals to the girl, that Victoria's mind, aroused by alcohol (which she was not used to), had misinterpreted. Or was it his own wish that had betrayed him ...  
"Ma'am, I ... that's something ... it's simply unimaginable ... It would be against any rule of respect and loyalty to the Crown. It's absolutely ... impossible," answered Lord Melbourne seriously, very nervous and uncomfortable.  
Victoria's face darkened and she ducked her head in embarrassment, and when she picked her up again there were tears running down her cheeks and there was a lot of sadness in the look on her face.  
"Forgive me, Lord M! ... I'm a silly girl! I still do not know how to behave properly as a Queen ... Excuse my clumsy and shameful behaviour," she said with pain.  
"No, ma'am ... please! ... It's not that bad! It's just a protocol error, but ... I do not want to see you sad, because the purpose of tonight's celebration would be lost ..." Lord Melbourne replied, anguished and moved by her.  
But his words only made Victoria feel sadder and cry with a little pout. Lord Melbourne could not bear to see her like this, and he felt that he would not forgive himself if Christmas Eve ended like that for her, ruining her first happy Christmas in life. Touched and with love for her, Lord Melbourne saw all sides and realized that fortunately, nobody saw them at that moment. He took a deep breath and decided. He quickly bowed his head and gave Victoria a quick kiss on the cheek ...  
Victoria was surprised, with wide eyes and a comical expression on her face. Then she relaxed the gesture and finally, her face was covered with infinite happiness, with the sweetest and most charming smile in the world.  
"It must be our secret, ma'am ... I do not want to end up in the Tower of London for taking me liberties with the Queen! " Lord Melbourne said funny, but nervous and embarrassed.  
"I swear, Lord M ... they'll never know for me! " exclaimed Victoria very happy and excited.  
They both laughed ... A few hours later Victoria was in her bed, dressed in her long nightgown and wrapped in sheets and a quilt, and Dash was lying next to her on the bed. Victoria caressed the cheek on which Lord Melbourne had kissed her, with a sweet and mischievous smile on her lips ...  
"It has been the best Christmas of my life, Dashy! ... I wish all my Christmases of the rest of my life are like this! And hopefully, Lord M will be in all of them ..." Victoria said excitedly to Dash as if he could understand her.  
 _In the London of 2017, Victoria was awakened from the trance by Dr Mary shortly after that last memory, with instructions to remember what she had seen in her regression, or at least partially ..._  
A few minutes later, a confused Victoria (almost stunned) was conversing with Dr Mary, both sitting face to face with the doctor's desk between them.  
"I ... I do not understand ... I have read somewhere that one of the best pieces of evidence that past lives and reincarnation are true is that the lives that all people remember are the lives of ordinary people ... if people will remember that they were famous people ... people like Napoleon or Cleopatra, that would be evidence that reincarnation is a myth, an absurd fantasy, and that the memories that take place under hypnosis would be simple creations of our imagination and what we know of history ... However, I have remembered that I ... that I was nothing less, than Queen Victoria ... is not that absurd? " Victoria said, her voice a little broken by the emotion of the vivid memories that were still in her memory as if they were things that had just happened ... and above all of the emotions she had revived.  
"What you say is true, at least in part, and of course it has logic ... but you must consider something, Victoria ... If all human beings reincarnate, why should famous people be an exception? After all, a famous actor, a great general, a memorable writer or a legendary Queen are people of flesh and blood, they are human beings like the rest of human beings ... and they do live the death trance like others, do they? Why should not they reincarnate like everyone else? It would be against the logic of the Cosmos that a few people were deprived of reincarnation, while the rest of human beings enjoy it or suffer it, depending on the case ... In addition, there have been a few documented cases of ordinary people who have remembered previous lives in who were at least famous artists, your case is not as exceptional as you think," explained Mary in an affectionate and pedagogical way.  
"But still, I can hardly believe that I was the most famous Queen that England had had other than Elizabeth I ... but there are other things that I do not understand ... Is not it supposed that when we reincarnate we change our physical appearance? From what I could see in the mirrors that I saw in my memories, my physical appearance was almost identical to what I currently have, except for the colour of the eyes, because then my eyes were blue ... hell ... if I had had to reincarnate, I could have been born taller! " Victoria said, and saying her last words made the doctor let out a giggle, "But not only that ... it is also assumed that in each life we should change the name ... How do you explain that continue to call me Victoria? But also my husband appeared in my memories as Lord Melbourne ... and he also had the same physical appearance ... and he is also called William in this life! " Victoria added bewildered.  
"Yes, I recognize that this is not typical ... but think one thing, Victoria ... Although it is true that all human beings have a common nature, in the great characters of history there must be something special, something exceptional and mysterious ... Have you thought of how exceptional it was that Victoria was born into the Royal Family and destined to be Queen? ... Why was she not born in any of the other tens of thousands of families that were in Britain at that time? ... It is something to think about ... destiny is very mysterious and God or the Universe works in a curious way ... So, if we do accept that something special and mysterious exists in the great characters of history ... would it be unreasonable to think that they made an exception with you and your loved ones so that in this life everyone will keep their physical appearance and at least the same first name? Maybe it was necessary for them to have the opportunity to properly correct everything that was wrong in your previous life ... or simply the Universe was in debt to you and wanted to reward you for everything you could not have in your previous life," answered Dr Mary.  
"Yeah, I admit that that makes sense ... but William, my husband, the man I love and I'm sure is my soul mate ... if there are soulmates ... he was Lord Melbourne in my memories of that alleged past life ... is not he supposed would have been Prince Albert in my past life? ... Albert was supposed to be the great love in the life of Queen Victoria, as her soul mate ... well, at least that's what history says," Victoria replied.  
"Victoria ... do you think the official history always tells us the whole truth?" asked Dr Mary with a sarcastic smile, "Remember there was a time when they sold us that Prince Charles and Diana's relationship was a love story of fairy tales," she added.  
"Touché! But then, that childhood infatuation of Victoria by Lord Melbourne on which historians have speculated was much bigger than we imagined ... and if Lord Melbourne was the real man of her life, then her life with Albert would not be very happy ... And assuming I was her ... then, does this have anything to do with my current emotions? " Victoria asked.  
"It is most likely, but to know how this affects you now ... to know what consequences it has had on your personality, the only way is to remember absolutely everything, remember that exact moment when your fears and your traumas were born ... That is the essence of any therapy based on regression ... we must go to the point of your existence in which those internal demons that now manifest in those nightmares and in that strange melancholy or depression that occurs especially at Christmas arose ... In any case, it is always useful to draw the appropriate lessons from your experiences in past lives," said Dr Mary.  
Victoria thought for a moment.  
"Does that mean more hypnosis sessions? " Victoria asked.  
"Yes," Mary answered kindly.  
"All right ... I'm curious to know what happened ... it's a more intense experience than what I experienced when I jumped parachute and I recognize that for a long time something so exciting has not happened to me, not even the birth of my last child has been so exciting," said Victoria with a slightly ironic smile.  
"Seem right, but you must remember that the purpose of this is therapeutic, we seek to improve your emotional balance and to be happier ... on the other hand I would advise you not to tell everything to your husband until we have advanced more in the therapy, and we will have managed to remember the fundamental moments in the origin of your current emotions ... I think in a couple of sessions you can have a more complete picture, and then you can talk to your husband with more information," Mary replied.  
"Well, I do not like to hide things from my husband ... but I think it's reasonable what you say. I imagine we should schedule the next session," said Victoria.  
"That's right," Mary replied.  
After leaving the doctor's office, Nancy saw Victoria with mocking and curious expression.  
"And so?" Nancy asked in a funny tone.  
"If you want me to say that you were right ... you win! It was very intense and exciting," Victoria replied still a bit dazed.  
Upon arriving home, Victoria felt strange and excited to be reunited with her family and husband, with the vivid memories of her past life, fresh in her memory. When she opened the door her husband came to meet her.  
William was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, that he wore with sleeves rolled up. But when he approached her, Victoria had a flashback and saw him dressed as Lord Melbourne, in a dark suit from that era of 1837. And it was as if Victoria was transported that time of Christmas party of 180 years ago. And she instinctively extended her right arm with the back of her hand upward, so that William / Lord Melbourne will be kissed her hand.  
William was surprised ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: the custom of kissing under the mistletoe was born among the servants in the England of the late eighteenth century, and was prolonged and popularized by the servitude of the Victorian Era when it gradually spread to the other social classes.


	4. Christmas 1838.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While in the present Victoria tries to assimilate her memories of the past, she will have the memory of another Christmas of her past life. What surprises does that bring?

"Do you want me to shake your hand ... or did you hurt your hand and you're showing it to me!" William asked puzzled, with a slightly teasing tone.  
"I was not …! Forget it, I was just clueless," Victoria replied a little embarrassed as she pulled her arm away from her husband.  
"My sweet wife! " William said affectionate and cheerful, as he approached her and hugged her and kissed her on the lips, a deep and prolonged kiss, and after breaking the kiss left his arms around her while he looked into her eyes, and both smiled, "Do not let the Christmas stress overwhelm you, dear ... did you enjoy your 'girl time' with Nancy? " he added.  
"Well, it was relaxing and ... interesting ... I bought the things but I left them in the car, then I'll take them out when the girls are not watching ..." Victoria said with a knowing glance at her husband, "And how our little ones, imp have behaved got? "  
"Well, Andrew is sleeping like an angel ... I fed him with the milk that you left in the fridge," William said referring to the breast milk that Victoria had removed herself with a pumping breast milk, and left in the fridge for giving it to baby with a baby bottle, "Bella is talking on the phone with a friend ... about that, I heard, she said there was a guy, a guy named Harry Styles, and she said he was very hot ... maybe you should start talking to her about guys and stuff," he added seriously.  
Victoria laughed, to William's bewilderment.  
"William ... Harry Styles is not a boy that Bella knows! ... He is a singer that belonged to One Direction! ... You know ... One Direction? " Victoria saw the face of confusion on her husband's face as if she were talking about thermonuclear physics to someone who did not even know what nuclear energy was, "forget it! Well, the boy is a famous singer ... but also Bella is only eight years old, she's too young for you to start worrying about her and the kids ... I do not want to think about how you'll behave when girls are teenagers! " she added funny.  
"Well, if you say it ... as for Lily, she has behaved very well ... now she is watching some movie on the computer, some children's thing on the video on demand service that I installed," replied William.  
"Papa ... how do I look for 'Narcos'! " Lily asked loudly from inside another room.  
"Jesus Christ! ... I told you ... nothing to see series or movies for adults, Lily! " exclaimed William exasperated, "I'll better see what she's doing," he added addressing his wife as he gave her a quick kiss on the lips and walked away from her.  
A while later the family was sitting at the table for dinner. Victoria saw William with curiosity, recalling the memories of her past life ... remembering how she saw him dressed as Lord Melbourne. William noticed and felt a little uneasy.  
"Why do you stare at me, Victoria? It's like you have never seen me before ... and it's not that it bothers me that a beautiful woman sees me with such interest, but it seems a bit strange," said William with a funny and mocking smile.  
"No, for nothing ... I think I'm still clueless," Victoria answered.  
They kept eating, but Victoria kept thinking about the memories recovered by hypnosis ...  
"Lord M! " Victoria exclaimed unexpectedly looking to cause some reaction in her husband, trying to awaken the memory of him.  
Her husband choked on the mouthful of food and had to drink water, while Bella and Lily saw their mother, they surprised.  
"What did you say? " William asked coughing, recovering.  
"No, nothing my love ... a nonsense that I remembered ... of a novel that Nancy recommended me, and I did not remember the name until now," Victoria exclaimed a little embarrassed.  
"Victoria, I do not know what's happening to you ... since you came back this afternoon, you're acting in a very strange way ... Is there anything you want to talk about?" said William seriously and somewhat worried.  
"Daddy ... Mummy is going crazy?" Lily asked seriously.  
"If someone ends up being crazy, in this family, it will not be me, Lily," Victoria said impatiently to her daughter.  
"Victoria!" William rebuked his wife.  
"Daddy, if mummy gets sick ... can I take care of Andrew? " Bella asked naively.  
"I am not sick nor am I going crazy, girls! " Victoria exclaimed seeing her daughters and then turned to see William, "I'm sorry, my love ... you know that when Christmas approaches I become a little weird, and this year with more reason ... with the birth of Andrew so recent and the pressure to get used to the fact that now we have three children at home, and the nanny is not here, and the Christmas Eve dinner is coming ... and we are going to have the house full, and ..."  
"Victoria ... I already told you, you should not be overwhelmed ... take it easy, I do not want you to get sick. I am here to help you, you will see that we survived Christmas ... you do not demand much to yourself," said William squeezing her hand affectionately.  
"I know, William! ... You know how dramatic your wife is! We're going to finish dinner and then watch some television in the family," Victoria replied smiling.  
They kept eating, but after a few minutes, Victoria opened her eyes as if shocked ...  
"God, she had nine children! ... I have to do me a tubal ligation! " Victoria exclaimed in anguish.  
The girls gaped at their mother, and William was amazed.  
"Well ... it's enough! Girls if you finished eating you can get up from the table and go to play or watch TV ... I must talk to your mother," said William to his daughters.  
"Daddy, Can I take to Andrew? " Bella asked seeing her brother who was inside his baby carriage, next to the table, between his parents.  
"Bella, your brother is not a toy for you to play with him," answered William.  
"How am I going to learn to be a mother if they do not let me practice with my little brother! " Bella exclaimed as she left.  
"We hope that this is a knowledge that you do not need in the next 20 years, young lady!" William replied loudly while his daughters left.  
When the girls left the dining room, William turned to see Victoria.  
"Victoria, seriously ... what's wrong with you? " William asked kindly, but serious and worried.  
"William, my love ..." Victoria said squeezing his hands with hers, "have you ever felt that there is something missing in your life? As if you suddenly felt ... that you have lived other lives, that you have been in other places, and that there are situations in your life that remind you of those other times and places, and that make you feel nostalgic for those realities ... Have not you lived ever a déjà vu? " she added to the expectation.  
William was surprised, but then he was thoughtful and his face was covered with a gesture of sad nostalgia.  
"It was once ... it's funny, but I think that in so many years I have not told you, even though we've told almost all, of each other of our lives. I guess it's because I do not like, to talk much about the war ... It was during the Persian Gulf War, you know I told you the essence of my experience in the war, but there was a day ... my companions and I were relaxed, we were in a sector away from the battlefield, in a break after of the action in the front ... I walked away from the guys looking for privacy to put my thoughts in order. And then ... then I saw some birds, I do not know what race they were, but they were rather small and black. They were on the branches of a tree, and suddenly a couple of them took off ... and it was very strange because I felt transported to another place ... I felt like ... I was in the middle of somewhere in England, some garden or something ... and I had the feeling that I had lost something, and I felt a pain in my chest, a very great anguish ... I felt very sad and I wanted to cry ... some tears fell from my eyes. And since then I was very afraid of being alone, even though I was so young then ... well, I attributed it to the trauma of the war. The truth is that this fear of being alone, that strange feeling of loss helped to push me into the arms of my first wife, but of course, she was not the remedy but all the contrary ... I had kept feeling that there was a piece that was missing so that my life was complete and that anguish in my chest would end ... And that's how it was until I met you and I fell in love with you ... only then did I feel that the anguish was leaving my chest and that the missing piece fit ... only then I felt that I had arrived home," said William with wet eyes and a smile sweet, with a look of love for his wife.  
Victoria began to cry and came to kiss him on the lips, a deep and passionate kiss, which he responded enthusiastically. After the prolonged kiss, both of them turned their heads away from each other, and Victoria had William's head cupped in her hands.  
"When you say things like that! ... I would like you to make love to me right now on this table," said Victoria happy and excited.  
"I do not think it's convenient ... if the girls see us they would be traumatized for life," William replied mockingly and both laughed.  
Then both shared jokes and sweet words and kissed a couple of times more. Then they talked about the Christmas Eve dinner.  
"Everything will have to be perfect so that my mother does not crucify me," Victoria said resigned, sitting in the lap of her husband.  
"Victoria, your mother is not so bad," William replied funny.  
"You already forgot that she hated you when you married me!" Victoria exclaimed rolling her eyes.  
"Well, if I had been in her place, I would have done the same thing ... if it had been an older man with my daughter, with Bella or with Lily ... But you know that we get along now," answered William.  
"Yes, but she does not forgive that you have not continued in politics ... that you have not continued until being Prime Minister and that her daughter would not have been the Prime Minister's wife ... She thinks you waste your talent having dedicated only to writing history books and star in documentaries for television like Michael Portillo," said Victoria.  
"I thought that she liked Michael Portillo," he replied funny and mocking.  
"Yeah, but she preferred that her son-in-law was David Cameron or, Tony Blair's tory version ... but you're not the only one ... With me she's always been very demanding, that's why I want everything to be perfect," Victoria answered seriously.  
"Well, my father is not easy either ... you know that he is angry with my sister because she left with her Brazilian boyfriend to spend Christmas in Brazil, and does not understand that a mature and divorced woman can do whatever she wants with her life ... Well, let's hope they both behave well on Christmas Eve," William said with a snort.  
_The next day Victoria was back in Dr Mary's office and was preparing to go back in time. This time her memory went to Christmas 1838 ..._  
Once again, the celebration was very joyful for Victoria and Lord Melbourne ... at the Christmas Eve dinner and the subsequent dance party included, at Buckingham Palace. Victoria and Lord Melbourne danced, chatted and laughed together, while he told Victoria funny anecdotes about his past, especially his Christmas when he was young.  
Victoria was rapt, very happy, seduced by the irresistible charm of Lord Melbourne. As for him, he was also in raptures. Lord Melbourne acknowledged to himself that this beautiful, cheerful and charming young woman had given him back his zest for life and happiness at Christmas. Letting himself be dragged by Victoria's unstoppable euphoria, Lord Melbourne lived the party with enthusiasm as he had not in many years, perhaps since he was a young man newly married to Caroline, before the birth of his first child began to fill his life of pain ...  
Lord Melbourne danced with Victoria and other women, talked and laughed, and drank ... he allowed himself to drink more than he used to drink at social events, especially at the Court, even more than his prudence advised. Victoria also drank much champagne, although not as much as in the Ball of Coronation that happened that same year.  
As the night progressed and the party came to an end, earlier than usual in order that majority of guests could board their carriages and return to their homes, in the middle of the cold and snowy night ... Victoria called a corner, to Lord Melbourne.  
"Lord M ... wanted to ask you to wait for a little before going to your bedroom," said Victoria referring to the guest bedroom that Lord Melbourne had at the Palace regularly, "I wanted to propose you a Christmas adventure."  
Despite his semi-drunkenness, Lord Melbourne was sober enough to find that worrying and raise an eyebrow with suspicion. He was not wrong ...  
"But ma'am ... it's very cold ... Do you want to get sick?" Lord Melbourne asked seriously and worried.  
"I would not mind suffering from small flu just to do so," Victoria replied, disdaining the problem.  
"But that's ... I do not know how to say it, ma'am ... but the Queen and her Prime Minister in the garden of Buckingham making a snowman on Christmas Eve, it seems crazy ... I am afraid that they will question the sanity of Your Majesty and the mine if this is known," replied Lord Melbourne.  
"Nobody will find out! And if they do, let them say whatever they want," Victoria said snorting.  
"On the other hand, ma'am, you and me walking alone in the palace gardens at night ... that would surely be considered scandalous, very inappropriate," reasoned Lord Melbourne.  
Victoria blushed.  
"But Lord M ... we are often alone," Victoria replied.  
"Working on official matters, ma'am ... or walking by day, in places conveniently open to the sight of many people who can attest to the correctness of our meetings ... But at night and the two alone, I do not think it looks right and acceptable," said Lord Melbourne nervous.  
Victoria thought for a moment and then spoke.  
"Well, we'll have a couple of chaperones," Victoria replied decisively.  
A while later confused mind of Lord Melbourne wondered what effect alcohol had had on his decision to accept that absurd whim of Victoria. Both walked through the palace garden, followed at a discreet distance by Miss Skerrett and Mr Francatelli, the Palace cook, who to the surprise of Lord Melbourne had been summoned of chaperone together with Miss Skerrett (later, at seeing them together Lord Melbourne thought that Skerrett and Francatelli were more than co-workers).  
Lord Melbourne understood that Victoria wanted to recover part of her childhood at Christmas, and making a snowman with a friend was one of those things that were done at Christmas that she had not been able to do. But he could not help but think how ridiculous it was that on Christmas Eve, with the cold it was doing (just a few minutes before it had stopped snowing) and in the dark Palace garden, she and he were making a child snowman. But Lord Melbourne knew that he would do almost anything that those beautiful blue eyes and that sweet and joyful voice would ask of him, even descending into the underworld for her ...  
Lord Melbourne placed the lamp, with which had illuminated the path of both, on the floor to light the place where they would make the snowman. With their hands covered in gloves, Victoria and Lord Melbourne began to collect snow in handfuls and to place them quickly and enthusiastically on top of each other, to shape the snowman. They both laughed while encouraging each other with fun phrases or pranks, constantly working. Often their hands brushed against each other as they laid the snow, and then Victoria felt that her body was being traversed by an electric current.  
Lord Melbourne and Victoria looked each other in the eye, and their gazes were intense and excited, and it did not take an expert in matters of the heart to know that there was a barely suppressed attraction between them.  
With their enthusiastic and cheerful work, the snowman was soon erected. A big snowball, with another one a little smaller on top of it, and a third ball even smaller on top of the second one like a head. Victoria pulled from a bag that she brought a carrot that put the snowman as a nose, and a couple of glass balls that put it as eyes. She also put a hat and a scarf.  
"Wonderful snowman, ma'am! ... I must congratulate you!" exclaimed Lord Melbourne laughingly.  
"I had a great helper, Lord M! I see you have not forgotten your experience of the juvenile years," Victoria replied.  
"There are things that are never forgotten ... we really did a lovely work, ma'am. But maybe we should go to the Palace, I do not want you to catch a cold ... and I do not see your chaperones," Lord Melbourne said as he turned his head and realized that Miss Skerrett and Mr Francatelli were nowhere to be seen.  
"But there is another Christmas tradition that I would like to experience," Victoria replied with a mischievous smile and gesture while placing her right hand behind her body hiding something.  
"Another tradition? If it can be done inside the Palace halls ... I really do not know where your chaperones went, so ..." Lord Melbourne answered, but then something interrupted him.  
A snowball hit him lightly on the shoulder, and Lord Melbourne saw the gesture on Victoria's face, between embarrassed and amused, with a childlike joy.  
"Ma'am! ... Do not tell me ...! " exclaimed Lord Melbourne amazed.  
"Please, Lord M! ... With Lehzen I could not do it, and still less with my mother ... I've always wanted to have a snowball duel," Victoria replied between embarrassed and pleading, with anxiety.  
"Ma'am, I understand your feelings, believe me ... but ask to me, to hit you with snowballs, that's ..." Lord Melbourne answered a little exasperated and bewildered.  
"Them do not have to be hard blows! Them can be soft ... so soft that they seem symbolic and only to the body ... I can even dodge them so you do not feel guilty," Victoria begged.  
"Ma'am!" Lord Melbourne answered.  
Victoria's face was covered with a sad gesture, that gesture that broke his heart to him, and Lord Melbourne cursed himself for falling into the emotional blackmail of the girl.  
"Just some balls, to please you, and then we go in," said Lord Melbourne in a somewhat harsh tone.  
Victoria laughed and jumped happily, making Lord Melbourne laugh. She took a snowball from the ground, but I hesitate to use it ...  
"Go ahead, ma'am! I am willing to be shot," said Lord Melbourne teasing and ironic, while opening his arms.  
Victoria smiled brightly and threw a snowball that hit him squarely in the chest. With a sigh, Lord Melbourne picked up a snowball on the floor and with nervous gesture in the face, threw it to Victoria slowly and smoothly, but Victoria stepped forward and the ball hit her in the belly.  
"Come on, Lord M! I had to advance a few steps so that it would reach me ... I know you can do better," Victoria said mockingly.  
Victoria hit him with another snowball in the chest, and Lord Melbourne responded with a ball that caught her in the forearm. Little by little, they exchanged snowballs, until Lord Melbourne himself became enthusiastic. And soon the Queen and the Prime Minister were exchanging snowballs in a more or less enthusiastic duel, while both were laughing, and then a snowball thrown by Lord Melbourne reached Victoria's face. Lord Melbourne apologized very embarrassedly, but she laughed.  
"I'm not going to accuse you of treason for that, Lord M!" Victoria exclaimed laughing.  
Lord Melbourne also laughed. After finishing the laughter, Lord Melbourne insisted that they enter the Palace, and she accepted satisfied.  
But when they started walking, stepping on one of the paths that cut through the gardens and that was frozen, Victoria slipped and almost fell to the ground. Desperate Lord Melbourne took her by the arm and pulled her towards him, but then it was he who slipped and fell to the ground on his back, and Victoria fell face down on his body.  
"Lord M ... Did you hurt yourself!" Victoria exclaimed in anguish.  
"No ... it hurts, but I do not think ..." answered Lord Melbourne but he fell silent.  
Victoria was lying on him, and their faces were very close to each other. Victoria and Lord Melbourne met each other's eyes, an intense look, full of love and desire. Lord Melbourne's mind was still affected by alcohol, barriers of inhibition were low. Desire was winning the battle to the reason. At that moment Victoria felt that her heart and breathing were accelerating, she felt her body trembling and it was not for cold ...  
At that time they were simply a man and a woman who wanted each other, who desperately wanted a kiss. Victoria closed her eyes and approached, and Lord Melbourne did nothing to stop her. Almost their lips were going to rub ...  
"Your Majesty!" called the impatient and nervous voice of Miss Skerrett.  
Victoria and Lord Melbourne regained their sanity, and he helped her stand aside and quickly stand up, but trying not to slip. Soon they saw Skerrett approaching quickly followed at some distance by Francatelli.  
"Ma'am, I've seen Baroness Lehzen looking for you in the gardens with some servants ... I'm afraid she noticed your absence and maybe she thought something happened to you in the gardens," Skerrett said blushing, and Lord Melbourne wondered what maid had seen.  
"All right, let's go inside before Lehzen puts all the servants and guards to look for me and warn all of England," Victoria replied, somewhat angry and disappointed, with her frustrated desire.  
"Ma'am, I think I should wait a few minutes to go back alone ... I do not want to wake up unpleasant rumours or encourage misunderstandings," Lord Melbourne said ashamed.  
"You're right, but do not take long, it's very cold, Lord M," Victoria replied.  
Victoria returned accompanied by Skerrett and Francatelli, while Lord Melbourne watched them go. Victoria turned her head, and saw him standing on the path ... it was the last memory before Dr Mary woke her up from the hypnotic trance in the present.  
"That Lehzen ... is a killjoy!" Victoria exclaimed after a few minutes, making Dr Mary smile, "Now I know that both were very in love, that gaze is the same as William, my husband, in the present when he sees me ... but then ... How could they live after separating from each other? " Victoria asked sadly, almost with anguish.  
"I think that's the key to everything, Victoria," Mary replied enigmatically.


	5. The Past was not always better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria will finally have to face the most painful part of her memories of the past. What consequences will this have?

"But tomorrow is December 24 ... are you going to work on December 24?" Victoria asked a little surprised.  
"I do not have a family and my Christmas is usually lonely," said Dr Mary, and Victoria noticed that she said it with poorly disguised pain. "And I really prefer to spend December 24 working ... anyway, I have December 25 to rest."  
"But I do not know if I'll have time ... tomorrow is the Christmas Eve dinner, and apart from my husband and my children, I'll have at home my father-in-law, my mother and my friend and partner Nancy with her new boyfriend ... I have a lot of work to do, and I do not know sincerely if I can escape a couple of hours to come here," said Victoria.  
"Well, it's your decision, Victoria ... but if you allow me to give you some advice, I think it would be better to resolve this issue before Christmas ... based on what we have discovered so far, the key to everything lies in what happened next in your past life ... You were in love with William in your past life just like you are in today's life, but we know that Lord Melbourne ... that is, William, could not be with you in the end ... We must know exactly how things happened and how did that affect you then and how does it affect you now ... If you do, I think you can enjoy life better and find true peace, and I am sure that then it will be the best Christmas of your life ... The most important of your memories we can recover it in a single session, a little longer than usual," replied Dr Mary in a kind tone.  
After some hesitation, Victoria finally accepted. The next day Victoria was in Dr Mary's office, ready for a new session.  
"Victoria, in this session I want to try something different than usual ... in the Orient, in India and other places, I learned techniques that allow a person under hypnosis not only to remember his/her own memories but also to remember the memories of his/her soul mate ... The ancient sages thought that after death and before re-incarnating, the soul mates joined and shared their memories of their experience in the material world, especially those that had to do with their love ... Let's try to connect with the memories of Lord Melbourne to know his part of the story about the events that happened next," explained Dr Mary.  
Through a series of exercises during hypnosis, Victoria went deeper into the trance and managed to get into someone else's memories, those of Lord Melbourne. And then Victoria saw herself inside a hall of Brocket Hall as if she were standing, watching Lord Melbourne standing with one hand resting on the mantelpiece.  
"Victoria ... do you have any idea when is that memory?" asked Dr Mary.  
"It's December 1839," Victoria answered without hesitation.  
Victoria continued to describe the memory ... Lord Melbourne had a sad look on his face, and then she realized that besides him was another woman, a mature and beautiful woman, with a certain physical resemblance to him.  
"So, did the Queen not invite you this year to spend Christmas at the Court?" the woman asked.  
"She did, but I excused myself ... diplomatically, of course," said Lord Melbourne with his head bowed, staring at the fire in the fireplace.  
"Why did not you want to be close to the German?" the woman asked with some irony and displeasure in her voice.  
"Emily ... please!" exclaimed Lord Melbourne uncomfortably.  
"Enough, William! I am your sister, I know you well and I know what you feel for her ... And I know how much you are suffering," replied Emily, Lord Melbourne's sister.  
"No, you have no idea, Emily ... and I hope you never have it, that you never feel what I feel at the moment," Lord Melbourne answered, his voice a little broken by emotion.  
"Oh, William! ... I can not stand seeing you like that! I have never seen you with so much pain, from that of Caroline, and from your boy's ... What can I do?" Emily said sad and anguished.  
"There's nothing you can do ... it's all my fault, Emily. Whenever I give my heart, I do it to the wrong person ... I gave it to Caroline, and she broke it when she gave her own to another man ... And I gave it to Victoria, knowing that I should not ... even if she wanted to be mine, she had no freedom to do it, because she belongs to the country and the Empire more than she can ever belong to another man or herself ... Still, I was happy, Emily ... I remembered what it was like to be alive, I remembered what it was for me to feel and get excited, that my life made sense. In her eyes, in her words and gestures, I felt love, happiness and hope again ... She made me feel a complete being, and not just a residue of a man ... she made me a living man and not a walking corpse ... My life is her, Emily ... but it was a life that I had to renounce, for the welfare of her, to protect her from the evil of the real world, from the greed and cruelty of political interests that would not doubt in dragging her through the mud, humiliating her and destroying her, if she would have the audacity to believe that she has the right to love whoever she wanted ... I could not risk destroying her life, condemning her to perdition, and endangering this country by I have fought all my life ... I had to give up on her, Emily," Lord Melbourne said with deep pain.  
Emily started crying.  
"And yet ... there is no man who, by sacrificing what is most loved by him, does so without rebelling, without protesting the injustice of fate ... Even Jesus prayed that they would avoid to him the bitter cup and he protested that his father had abandoned him ... So I also have the right to curse my destiny and not want to see Victoria in the arms of ... that man ... And what hurts me most, Emily is that she has forgotten to me, so soon ... that she has continued with her life with so much ease, and have fallen in love with him without difficulty, while I ... I do not know how I will live without her, how I will be able to endure her wedding and everything that will come later ... how can I be by her side this Christmas seeing her side of the man who will be her husband in less than two months? ... How can I be there, if the two previous Christmas when I had her for me alone were the happiest of my life? Even me cannot stand so much pain! " added Lord Melbourne and finally he broke down, and started crying like a child, letting his tears fall on the fireplace.  
Emily came over and hugged him with compassion and pain. In Dr Mary's office, the today's Victoria cried in the midst of her hypnotic trance ...  
"Victoria, remember how you lived that Christmas," said Dr Mary.  
Victoria reported that she lived that Christmas with her fiance Prince Albert, and how she seemed to be very much in love with him, and quite happy. But she also said that she often remembered Lord Melbourne and felt a little sad because he was not with her. At one point, Victoria leaned out the window and saw the more or less thick layer of snow in the palace gardens.  
"Albert ... why do not we go out for a walk in the gardens and make a snowman! " Victoria enthusiastically told her fiance.  
"Victoria, dear, that would be foolish ... with this cold, we can catch a cold, in winter there are many deaths due to pneumonia for acting with imprudence. And besides ... the snowmen are for children, we are adults and at our age those things are ridiculous, as well a Queen you must preserve your dignity from the ridicule in front of silly people," answered Albert in an allegedly friendly tone, with a smile condescending, but with his usual and exasperating seriousness.  
"Yes, of course ... you're right," Victoria replied resigned and a little embarrassed, but later, as Albert left her, Victoria's eyes filled with tears and she remembered with sadness the man who made snowmen with her.  
By Mary's instructions, Victoria remembered the following Christmas, the one of 1840 ... Victoria was already married and had given birth to her first child, Princess Vicky.  
Victoria recalled that on that Christmas (Lord Melbourne's last Christmas as Prime Minister) Lord Melbourne also excused himself from going to the Palace at Christmas. Victoria remembered that she was deeply saddened and depressed and that she was beginning to feel that her life as a married woman was oppressive ... and that she missed Lord Melbourne so much.  
Mary had Victoria enter the memories of Lord Melbourne, and so she saw that he spent Christmas alone, sitting by the fireplace, crying frequently and drinking until he was drunk.  
Then Mary guided Victoria to a memory of Lord Melbourne ... terrible. He was lying on a bed, with a horrible physical appearance, very aged and deteriorated, his face pale and emaciated, and it seemed that half of his body was rigid, paralyzed. He spoke with difficulty and a small thread of drool was spilling from his mouth when he spoke.  
Standing in front of him was a woman, who in her trance Victoria recognized as Emma Portman. She cried inconsolably ...  
"You can not ask me for that, William! ... You can not ask me to hide from Her Majesty the seriousness of your condition! ... You ask me to betray my friend and my Queen ... she will never forgive me!" exclaimed Emma.  
"I ... I wrote ... a letter ... she ... she will understand ... We must protect her ... I ... I beg you ... it is the last favour that I ask of you ... a man who ... loves you, like a sister," Lord Melbourne said with great difficulty.  
In Mary's office, Victoria stirred a little, still crying, but Mary calmed her down a bit. Then Mary sighed ...  
"Victoria ... now I want you to go to the most painful memory of your past life in relation to Lord Melbourne," Mary said in a cautious voice, but with tension in her face.  
Victoria remembered that she was in a Buckingham room, one day in late November 1848 ...  
She was talking to a maid when it entered the room Harriet, Duchess of Sutherland. Victoria gave permission to the maid to retire. She smiled, but her smile disappeared when she saw that Harriet's face was distorted by a gesture of pain and anguish.  
"Is something wrong, Harriet?" Victoria asked worriedly.  
"Your Majesty ... I do not know how to say it ... She wrote to me ... She wrote to me because she is very affected like to come ... Emma wrote to me ... Ma'am, Lord Melbourne is dead," said Harriet crying and her voice broken with emotion.  
The memory of Victoria became her nightmare ... now Victoria knew that the dark figure of her nightmare was Harriet and that the words that came from her and that destroyed her heart were the news of Lord Melbourne's death. In the past as well as in the present, Victoria's breathing became agitated and difficult, as if it were difficult for her to breathe as if her lungs made a terrible effort to take each breath of oxygen. In her memory Victoria was standing and her whole body trembled violently, she felt a chill running through her, her legs were missing. Tears ran down Victoria's cheeks, her heart pounded violently.  
"NO! " Victoria cried with all the strength of her lungs.  
Harriet backed away in shock.  
"It's a lie! ... It's a lie! ... He's not dead! ... Lord M! ... NO! " Victoria shouted and fell to her knees on the ground, shouting and crying hysterically.  
In her recollection, several servants came to Harriet's desperate pleas, and she and Miss Skerrett tried to calm her down, but Victoria was agitated in a violent fit of nerves. Albert came and tried to hold her, but she pushed him away and hit hysterically.  
In Mary's office, Victoria also screamed as in her memory and cried desperately, but Mary calmed her down.  
"That has already happened, Victoria ... it has been left far behind, in a very remote past ... it can not hurt you," whispered Mary reassuringly.  
Finally, Victoria calmed down but continued to cry and breathe with difficulty. Then Mary led her to Christmas 1848, the year Lord Melbourne died. Victoria remembered that on Christmas Eve she was locked in her bedroom, sitting in front of the window, watching the snow fall while she cried. Then Albert entered the room.  
"Victoria, the children need you ... it's Christmas Eve and you should be with them. You can not continue like this, you can not keep pushing us away," Albert said trying to be nice, but unable to avoid a severe tone.  
"Albert, for your sake and for mine, it would be better to retire and leave me alone," Victoria replied very sternly, without hiding her displeasure.  
"Victoria, believe me, I try to understand ... I know it was someone very important in your life, a friend to you and I certainly can not deny his virtues, but this ..." tried to reason Albert.  
"Do not be hypocritical, Albert! You always hated him and you despised him, you always talked bad about him, and you tried to make me forget about him. You forced me to get away from him, even to stop writing him ... You must be happy, at last, you got rid of him forever," Victoria replied with irony and resentment.  
"Victoria, that's mean of you! I try to understand your feelings, I ..." answered Albert.  
"You ... to understand the feelings of others! To understand human feelings you should be a human, and you are not. The feelings of mere mortals are unworthy of you ... you know important, sublime things ... of sciences, politics, economics ... you are like a machine of those that excite you as much as a new toy to a child, perfect and efficient but cold and mechanical, devoid of soul. The feelings, the passion, those ridiculous and frivolous things, silly and animal things, are for us, the inferior beings that are not as perfect as you ... Forgive me for being so human my dear prince! And I beg God never to let you come down from your pedestal to muddy you with that despicable feeling that is the pain so that your tin heart can continue without beating," Victoria replied sarcastically and scornfully, with resentment.  
"You're wrong, Victoria ... today you taught me the meaning of pain," Albert said with moist eyes and then turned around and left.  
Victoria was left alone and then saw in her lap the telescope that Lord Melbourne had given her on one of her birthdays, and she cried inconsolably, pouting.  
Mary guided Victoria to another Christmas when the Queen was already an old woman. In the memory Victoria was alone in a corner of her bedroom, sad and bitter with her memories when one of her daughters came in, she was already an adult but young woman.  
"Mama, your grandchildren wait ... please, join us," said Victoria's daughter.  
"Beatrice, retire and leave me alone," said old Victoria.  
"But mama ... it's Christmas," the young princess replied.  
"Christmas does not interest me, Beatrice ... I just want to be alone and in peace," Victoria insisted.  
"Please, mama ... do not commit the same mistake you made with your children with your grandchildren," said Beatrice.  
"How dare you ... You have no right to criticize me ... your mother and your Queen!" Victoria replied angrily.  
"I do, Mama, because in my childhood ..." Beatrice tried to answer.  
"Are you going to complain about your life? Your privileged life as my daughter ... hard has been my life since I was a little girl! You did not have to suffer the Kensington System when you were a child ... maybe you should have suffered it to learn to be a mature woman. You have been a spoiled little girl who has had everything easy, like your sisters and brothers ... Tell me, Your Royal Highness ... what have you lost in life? ... What have you lacked in life? " Victoria asked without mercy, with sarcasm and anger.  
"I have lacked the love of a mother!" Beatrice replied with tears in her eyes.  
Victoria was speechless, shocked and hurt. Then anger seized her.  
"Get out of my sight! It is your Queen who demands it, and not your mother. And it is your Queen who orders you not to return to her presence until summoned you," Victoria replied furiously.  
After her daughter left, Victoria burst into tears.  
Finally, Mary guided Victoria to her death in her past life, and Victoria remembered that in addition to fear she also felt nostalgia and pain when remembering Lord Melbourne at the time of her death. In Mary's office, Victoria kept crying and Mary put a hand on Victoria's shoulder.  
"Victoria, I'm going to ask you to wake up from the trance ... but first I want to ask you to remember absolutely everything, I want you to remember even what I asked you previously that you would not remember ... I want you to remember the faces of all the people you met in your previous life," said Mary  
Mary guided Victoria to awakening, but upon awakening, she continued crying desperately and Mary embraced her and caressed her back.  
"Quiet! Easy, Victoria," Mary said in a warm voice.  
Suddenly Victoria noticed something she had not noticed before ... that Mary's voice was very familiar ...  
"Easy, Drina," said Mary.  
Victoria opened her eyes in surprise and turned away from Mary. And when she saw her, Victoria was startled ... Dr Mary was the Duchess of Kent, her mother in the previous life.  
"Yes ... I was also part of the group that reincarnated ... and here you have me, Victoria ... or, Drina, for me," Mary said with moist eyes.  
"But you ... you were my mother ... and ..." Victoria replied in shock, and then something came to her mind, another memory so far suppressed ... her mother in current life had been Baroness Lehzen in her previous life.  
"I always thought that Lehzen was a better mother than me ... you said it in the previous sessions, but I asked you to suppress that part when waking up," Mary said with a mocking smile.  
"But I do not understand, you ..." Victoria replied confused.  
"For many years I searched for the spiritual path, to escape the pain that my personal experiences caused me ... I discovered my past lives and I became a professional of the subject. I knew you would come to me, Victoria," explained Mary.  
Victoria and Mary talked for a few minutes, while Victoria absorbed what she had experienced.  
"Victoria, maybe because of my karma I did not have children in this life ... because I was not a good mother for you in our past life ... Then I did not know that the main concern of a mother is that her children would be happy ... For selfishness or stupidity, I hurt you a lot, and I never worried about your feelings ... In this life, I had to atone for my guilt with solitude and repair the damage I did to you by helping you open your eyes and understand how lucky you are ... Did you understand everything, Victoria? " Mary said excitedly.  
"Of course! Now I see my whole life with another light," Victoria replied with tears running down her cheeks and with a smile.  
"Then go with your family, my girl ... enjoy with them," Mary said smiling.  
"Mary ... come with me, you do not have to spend Christmas alone ... You are my family too," Victoria replied in a sweet and affectionate way.  
"Thanks, Victoria! But it's very soon ... I'm a stranger to your family and we should not force things ... maybe in the New Year ... If I appear today maybe Lehzen do not like ... I mean, your mother," Mary answered, moved, with tears in her eyes, and something her funny to say the last words.  
"Then it will be in the New Year! ... Thank you very much, Mary ... Mama!" Victoria exclaimed giving her a kiss on the cheek and a hug to Mary, in a very emotional moment for both of them.  
Victoria hurried out of Dr Mary's office because she wanted to reach her family quickly. When she went to look for her car, Victoria was surprised ...  
She saw in the street a man who was accompanied by a woman pushing a baby carriage, and both smiled amused and kissed. Evidently, they were a happy marriage with their baby. The surprise is that the man was identical to Prince Albert ...  
After her initial surprise, Victoria finally smiled happily. After all, the Cosmos had wanted to give Albert the chance to be happy in today's life, just like her. Victoria felt that life was beautiful. In a few minutes, she was on her way home ...  
Some time later, in the house of Victoria and William ... the woman who had been Baroness Lehzen in the past life and who in the current life was Victoria's mother, was sitting in an armchair carrying her grandson Andrew in her arms and her granddaughter Bella standing beside her (Bella made loving gestures her little brother).  
In front of them was William's father ... another reincarnated soul because in his previous life he had been the Duke of Wellington. The man had in his lap his granddaughter Lily.  
"I do not understand why my daughter can not look for a normal man ... with a good job, with enough money and education, with common sense ... an Englishman, demons!" exclaimed William's father angrily remembering his daughter's boyfriend.  
"Please, Arthur! You say that to make us think that you are an ogre, but we know that deep down you are a charm ... here is your whiskey," said Nancy smiling as she approached him with a glass in her hand.  
"Thank you, dear! ... You are a charm! If I were at least 30 years younger I would court you and not let you escape," Arthur said winking, with mischievous smile and gesture, while admiring Nancy's body in her tight and low-cut dress, making the woman laugh.  
Victoria's mother rolled her eyes.  
"Arthur, if you were 30 years younger, you would still have much more than twice Nancy's age," replied the woman who had been Lehzen.  
"So what! The important thing is that I would be a man young enough to make her happy," Arthur replied.  
"Ha! ... Like your son with my daughter!" Victoria's mother exclaimed with a snort.  
They continued talking until the door opened and Victoria came home. Seeing the gesture on her face, Nancy approached her with an affectionate smile. Both women embraced.  
"Thank you, Nancy! Or should I say, Miss Skerrett?" Victoria whispered excitedly in her friend's ear.  
"Nancy is fine ... Your Majesty," Nancy whispered amused and moved.  
After breaking the hug, Victoria saw her daughters.  
"Girls ... come here! " Victoria said in a broken voice.  
The two little girls approached curiously, and her mother crouched down and put her knee on the floor.  
"Bella ... I want you to know that the first time I held you in my arms was the happiest moment of my life ... that day you were born I felt that you were the best thing I had done in my life and that you were the best gift that your father had done me ... I will be proud of you always," said Victoria touched and with tears in her eyes.  
"I love you, mummy!" Bella said crying and hugging her mother.  
Then Victoria saw her youngest daughter.  
"Lily ... my little devil ... you're rebellious and terrible, and I'm sure that when you're a teenager you will make that all my hair covered with grey hair, overnight ... but that's because you are most similar to me, and that's why I feel proud of you. From the first time I saw your little face I knew that you would be beautiful and brave and that I would love you forever," Victoria said emotionally.  
"Mummy! " exclaimed Lily hugging her mother, crying.  
Then Victoria stood up and addressed her mother, who was gaping at her. Victoria took Andrew and lifted him in her arms.  
"My little and beautiful prince ... you do not know how much your mom loves you! You have no idea how happy, you made to your parents with your birth," Victoria said as the baby smiled at her amused, and she kissed her son on the forehead and then handed him to Nancy.  
Victoria saw her mother with an intense look and opened her arms. Her mother stood up and Victoria hugged her.  
"I love you, Mama! Forgive me for not telling you often ... you are the best mother in the world, the best mother I could to have. I apologize for the times I've been ungrateful and spoiled ... I love you so much, Mummy," said Victoria as sweet and childlike as her own daughters.  
"I love you Victoria!" the former Baroness Lehzen replied, between surprised and moved.  
Mother and daughter hugged each other in tears, and Victoria kissed her mother on the cheek. After a few moments, Victoria saw her father-in-law and addressed him smiling.  
"I accept the beautiful words that you are going to give me, Victoria, but Nancy can give me the kiss, and preferably under the mistletoe," Arthur said mockingly.  
The women laughed.  
"You're incorrigible, Duk ... Arthur! I love you too, my dear father-in-law," said Victoria, charming and amused, and then kissed her father-in-law on the forehead.  
"That he married you was one of the few good things that the fool of my son made," said Arthur sincere but in a funny tone.  
"Don't be bad, Arthur! Where is your son?" Victoria asked anxiously.  
"In the kitchen, with my boyfriend ... come on Victoria, you need I take away my boyfriend, to you talk William to each other," Nancy said and then she handed the baby to his grandmother, and the little boy seemed delighted because the women passed to him the one to the other.  
Victoria and Nancy walked into the kitchen and found William and Nancy's boyfriend talking animatedly and drinking a few glasses of wine. Upon seeing him, Victoria exchanged a significant look with Nancy, since the man had been Francatelli in his past life ...  
"Victoria, Nancy's boyfriend is really a great cook if you could see the recipe he taught me to prepare the turkey," said William enthusiastically.  
Nancy rushed to introduce her boyfriend and Victoria, and then she took him with an excuse to leave Victoria alone with William.  
"Victoria, you have a strange look, I ..." William said but Victoria interrupted him with a passionate kiss on the lips.  
After breaking the kiss, Victoria saw him in the eyes, while she cupped his face in her hands.  
"Lord ... William ... I love you! I know I've told you thousands of times, but I want you to know that today is special for me ... today I know that our lives, our souls are one and will be united forever, for all eternity ... Without you I am only half of a person, a sad castoff ... with you I am the entire Universe, I am really in paradise, at home. Your love is the only thing that keeps me tied to life, and I do not want to ever separate from you. And no matter how many times we live again, I will look for you and I will not rest until I find you, until I have you ... You are everything, absolutely everything to me. And I want you to know that you will never be alone in life again, never ... you will never feel that your love is not reciprocated and they will have to kill me to separate from you ... I love you, my love! " Victoria said crying with joy and then kissed him again on the lips.  
"And I love you, my dear girl ... I do not know what happened to you, but I would like it to happen to you every day ... You are mine, Victoria! And I will do anything to keep you being mine forever ... My whole life is yours! " William said with moist eyes.  
And on Christmas Eve, Victoria felt the greatest happiness of her existence. She and William did not stop looking at each other while chatting and laughing with the rest of their family. Everyone was happy, William's father, Victoria's mother, Nancy and her boyfriend, and the children, even Lily behaved like a good girl. Everyone ate, told anecdotes and jokes, even sang, and laughed, especially laughed. And the snow began to fall outside ...  
"Look, Daddy, the snow! Can we go out and play with it for a while? " Lily asked excitedly.  
William saw Victoria and she nodded, with a smile.  
"Okay ... but warm clothing, Lily! " William said when he saw his youngest daughter running out.  
Victoria approached the window as if hypnotized, with her baby in her arms. And then to her surprise, she saw a vision of herself as Queen Victoria, next to William as Lord Melbourne. In the phantasmagorical vision, they both wore as in the memory they were making the snowman, but this time both smiled as if they saw to the present Victoria. Then the two kissed on the lips and then the vision vanished. Victoria has moved once again ...  
"Merry Christmas ... finally!" Victoria said with a beautiful smile and tears running down her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I invite you all to join two wonderful Facebook groups: "Vicbourne - Queen Victoria and Lord Melbourne" and "Victoria (ITV and PBS) - Debate in Brocket Hall". In one, you will find everything you want about Vicbourne in a very pleasant ambience. In the other, you can debate in an ambience of freedom and respect about all aspects of the show.


End file.
